Just in time for Summer

Now shipping life-size Bubba action figures. For a limited time PBR beer can grip included at no additional charge! Warning contents may have settled during shipping. Image not actual size.

What a loss

The posts were few and far between this week. The death of Michael Jackson wasn't that tragic, but the loss of Billy Mays was. I think I cried so much even the Sham-Wow couldn't absorb the volume. My heart is so fractured I don't even think Mighty-Putty could put it back together again.

What I learned today.

With all of our technology the best way to preserve information for over a thousand years is to engrave it in to stone. Plastic, Hard-drives, Paper, Oral Histories all suck compared to the geologic time scale. However I would like to point out funny sayings scratched in port-a-let bathroom walls are a close second.

The Predator

I'd figure I'd start work by blogging rather than working. Crested Butte pre-ride: CB decided to cut some new single track on the mountain, one week before the race. It has promise, but maybe after it has seen two years of two-wheel travel and the fossil fuel forming compression of 10 feet of snow. I bet it will be a fun trail by that time, but for know it was just riding on a section of the forrest floor that had been scraped with a rake. I felt the single track had no flow. It was developed with a hiking, rather than riding mindset. Furthermore, if you make a cross slope trail you need to dig in to that shizzle. If you don't your trail will just keep sliding down the hill along with all the riders when it gets slippery. In short CB, you need to check Winter Park and Keystone, those kids can cut a trail. At the end they put in like 10 turns in a grass field, it was if landscape architect montra of making bike paths really curvy made it all the way to CB.

Afterwords at registration I wish I could have had a picture of this dudes face when I delivered the ultimate buzzkill. Apparently he worked at the resort and was really looking forward to watching mountain cross shirtless, soaking in the sun and the beer. I think when he said epic for the eighth time I snapped. I saig "bro, its going to be an epic rainstorm all afternoon" I think I saw him crying later.

Back at the ranch when I was supposed to be relaxing I spent two hours trying to get my shoe back from this guy.

I finally got him with the ole bunny trick

I reas somewhere that clouds look exactly like what they are going to do, these were pissed!

That big effer on the right followed me around all race.

The start: It was cool for the Cat 1's with 5 people in their class, but a 50 strong field funneling in to single track after 2 minutes, not bueno. It was comical listening to Dougy Fresh yell No Tape, No Tape as we totally disregarded the trail. Just like a trail map when skiing, in the absence of race tape, the course is just for reference. Things are just different in the PRO field, single track can't support 50 people going as hard as they can. Needless to say it poured rain the whole race,my frame clad in 3% body fat was not happy. The good news was I was a tad concerned about being hunted by the Predator in the woods, but my mud covered body cloaked my heat signature

That's pretty much how I spent my whole race, eluding the Predator.

Not sure yet

I'm going to give it a day or two before I talk about the Crested Butte race. I might write something angry. I will say my prediction of crappy fresh-cut single track was right on target. Not to say it was poorly done, just it is never a good idea to race on fresh stuff. The 3 hrs of rain during the whole race sure didn't help much. I never understand peoples constant drive to fix what aint broke. The standard race courses are adequate lengths, on well established trails, and provide enough challenge in a race environment.

Up the Butte

Up to the Crested Butte that is for a weekend of racing. They have created a new course that I believe is a a little shorter than the standard course. It involves quite a bit of new singletrack. I'm generally not a fan of fresh single in a race environment. It typically is soft, bumpy, and filled with random sawed off logs. The good news is the Pros ride late in the day, allowing for it to get ridden in by others. The bad news is it is late in the day. I'm betting we got through a thunderstorm or two. I'm ready, nothing can be worse than Telluride in 2007. I had full on hypothermia at the end of 3 hrs in rain and hail. On a positive not I get my prescription sunglasses today. I'm looking forward to the descent. Usually when I get up to about 20MPH everything goes fuzzy. It is as if I'm constantly viewing the trail as if it were some bastardization of Van Gogh's, Starry Night.

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My glasses are pretty rad. Normally your stuck with three gaper styles for sunglasses, unless you want to spend $500 plus on some Oakleys. This dude at Sports Optical can pretty much make any sunglass a prescription. He remakes the entire lens,no corny insert.

I was able to use one of my 10 pairs of Optic Nerves and convert them, fairly cheaply. The best part is I have three frame styles that hold the new lenses. One for each of my personalities.

I knew she wern't right.

I saw Missy Giove running around naked at a Race in Durango in 2001. I still have to clutch my teddy bear tightly at night to forget that image. She's going to love prison.

WILTON, N.Y. (AP) - Former mountain biking world champion Melissa "Missy" Giove was in custody Thursday on federal drug charges after authorities said they seized more than 200 pounds of marijuana from a truck she was driving in upstate New York.

Giove won the mountain biking World Cup season titles in 1997 and '98. (Tony Cheng / Getty Images)

U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration officials said Wednesday that the 37-year-old Giove, of Chesapeake, Va., and 30-year-old Eric Canori of Wilton were charged Tuesday with conspiring to possess and distribute more than 100 kilograms of marijuana.

Authorities said they seized nearly 400 pounds of pot from the truck and from Canori's home outside Saratoga Springs, 25 miles north of Albany.

Giove and Canori were in the custody of U.S. Marshals pending detention hearings Thursday afternoon in Albany.

DEA spokeswoman Erin Mulvey said authorities learned of Giove and Canori's plans last weekend when Illinois State Police pulled over a woman driving a truck and trailer loaded with about 220 pounds of marijuana. Authorities completed the delivery to the Albany area, where Mulvey said Giove picked up the vehicle and trailer.

Officials said Giove then drove north and followed Canori to his home, where some of the trailer's contents were unloaded.

Giove was later arrested at nearby Saratoga Lake, authorities said. A search of Canori's home turned up more than 150 pounds of pot and more than $1 million in cash stashed in a closet and the basement, the DEA said.

It couldn't be immediately determined Thursday morning if Giove and Canori had lawyers.

Giove, nicknamed "The Missile" for her aggressive riding style, was the downhill world champion in 1994 and won World Cup season titles in '97 and '98, then captured national titles from 1999-2001. One of the sport's first mainstream female stars, she retired from downhill racing in 2003.

Doghouse Schematic Design

Still working on the hole and tweaking the roof. I'm alarmed at the lack of good design criteria for doghouses. I mean what if dogs needed a restroom how can I calculate their space requirements?

Does my Laun Long for something better?

I was cutting my Laun the other day, and as I sat on my porch I wondered if he longed for something better. Was this two-square foot planter pot everything he thought he would be? After all he was uprooted from a golf course and unceremoniously driven to his present location. Does he want to be here?

I was at Target, I'm always at Target. You would think they would stop asking me if I need help finding anything. I know the store better than than you, High School summer help girl! Stemless wine glasses, 200 meters and a left after the small appliances end cap! Anyway I saw this.

Acres of grass photographs. Maybe my Laun wanted to be a model? Every blade waxed and polished. Perky but not too sharp. Maybe I should sharpen my scissors to leave a clean cut? Do they make Laun product?

Long Lost MFK

Sorry to the followers, I haven't felt much like posting lately. Maybe it's because the cut-back sword has been slicing through my industry again. Luckily I still have a head.

The Winter Park Hill climb was a little weird for me, how could I be a minute slower than last year, and last year I was slow. The good thing is I'm still in the to 10% of all who climbed that puppy. Time were down by a minute across the board. I would bet my blog that the finish was a 100 yard farther up the hill.

I'm currently designing my friends dog house. I'll get the concepts up for appoval. It may be over budget due to the fact I'm making it Tornado proof. You can't be too careful with this crazy weather.

I saw this the other day. Proving once again McDonalds can add sugar to anything.

Couldn't Agree More

New study shows iPhone users to be in a class by themselves

iPhone users are richer, younger, and perhaps even more productive at work than those who use competing smartphones, according to a new study released Friday. ( 26 comments

We'll except for that whole more productive part, or maybe I am. Apparently it doesn't make me any more sexy, or attractive to the ladies.

Cadel Evans Greatest Natural Resource?

I've been watching the Dauphine Race in France this week, I'm sure I spelled that wrong. I study all the posted pics looking for something to blog about, and I think I've found something. Cadel Evans has the most square footage of eyebrow than any professional racer. He also has some strange recessed mouth area. This is possibly a result of his body trying to compensate for eyebrow growth. I bet if we harvested Cadels eyebrows we could some how use them for alternative fuels. I wonder what his regenerative capabilities are if we shaved them once a week?

Sorry no Pictures

On my drive to work this morning, I saw a complete cycling abomination. I oppose the use of the Camelback in almost all situations. In my mind the only acceptable use is some all day riding in dessert locations such as Moab or Fruita. Local trails, are you ever that far from your car or a water source? Road bike what are you thinking? Todays subject of my wrath was commuting to work. He was in full winter like gear, the mornings are chilly but it was still 60 out. Neon windbreaker, you know how I feel about those. HUGE backpack, ant two water bottles. HIs bike looked like a trail mix of reflectors, mirrors, and LED blinkers. This gets me back on track with the Camelback. Where do you wear it if you already have a backpack on? Frontways was his answer. I almost drove off the road when I saw this. I'm going to stop wearing my glasses when I drive so I cant see these disturbing details anymore.

Where do they all go?

I've been watching peoples microwave habits lately. One thing that sicks out is most of the cook time is never completed. You usually are left with the odd 15 or 10 seconds. As soon as the food starts hissing and popping people panic and put their food out of its misery. I wonder where all these seconds go? One of these days I'll put together a spreadsheet of these lost seconds.

Big Poppa's Stir Fry EPO

So I've had some unidentifiable nasal crud for the last couple of days. My head feels like the image of the Grinch that Stole Christmas. You know the part when his heart grows three sizes and breaks the the box around it. Yeah, just like that but it's my head. I'd like to think this setup shop in my body last Saturday when I SDFL the Burn TT. Anyway, its been tough to ride. I tried weds. but after four minutes of a 20 minute interval I almost threw myself off Lookout to end my suffering.

All day Thursday at work, I was not looking forward to riding. I then thought what would I do if I hung up the bike all together. I guess I would talk to 50% more women, so that would be 50*0. After deciding to ride the couch for the evening I popped in Notorius and whipped up some Stir-Fry. That's when it hit the urban beats of Big Poppa and the Spicy Stir-Fry must have triggered a chemical response in my body. I was drawn to my bicycle. This must be what Salmon feel when it's time to swim up stream. It was a quarter to 8 and I was going riding, and a ride it was. I stood up 80% of the time crushing big gears. There was a concert at Red Rocks. I must have freaked a thousand drunk and high people out as I weaved through the throng at 40 mph's. Even though I had a steady trail of snot running out my nose, it felt good!

I guess you got to get to your lowest, before you get to your highest. Thanks Big Poppa.

Top Quotes

Here are my top quotes by Will Farrel from the Men Vs. Wild show.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" as will rappels out of a helicopter clutching Bear tightly.

"I'll guard the perimeter" Will has a Knife in his mouth

"I've always made my snow shoes out of pine"

"I call the eyeball"

"Yeah, take the leg off"

"In my many trips to Sweeden, I've never been able to fulfill my boyhood dream of putting a reindeer head on a fire."

"I've gotta pee"

"I've gotta go" Bear replies "#1 again or #2" Will says "the one thats the most difficult in a wilderness environment"

"I think I've lost my penis"

"I'm like a gazelle"

"Bear continuously yelled at me off camera, at times reducing me to tears"

"I told you I would tackle you"

"I hate you Bear Grylls"

and many more, thats all I can remember off the top of my head.

Nann Bread Attacks

I love Indian Food, maybe it is because you don't actually have to chew it. It just kind of slides around in your mouth and your tongue gets to play with it. It says "hello spinage mush stuff, do you want to check out Mr. Stomach today?" The answer is always yes. Today at lunch I imagined I was attacked by a Nann Bread monster, my only weapon against it was my mouth. I can't decide if the restaurant patrons were thankfull that I fought off the monster, or pissed that I ate all the bread?

Could you survive just by laughing?

This is going to be awesome

The fajita pie anchor

Well I'm still pulling parts of Trogdor out of my arse. I wonder when the fireball is coming? Mental note, fajita pie is not the correct pre-race meal. I'm constantly amazed at my poor performance. I love watching the 40+ fathers of three put 10 minutes in to me. I think I've got my schedule off by one week. I feel great on the weekend before every race. It is a good thing I have a race every weekend this month.

I did enjoy discussing our combined mediocrity with Mr. Mention.