My new game

Since I am beyond bored, I've created a new game.

Here's how it goes. Move your mouse, while simultaneously starting a stopwatch of some kind. Now try to get as close as possible to having your screensaver pop up without going over. When you move your mouse stop your watch. I've gotten within 10 seconds so far. (no peaking at the clock or stopwatch)

Crazy Eyes

Who knew my favorite dog had crazy eyes. I almost didn't get my finger back.

Someone Asked me

What I was doing today. I made up an elaborate story of how It was non-stop action in my office. I had a system of women coming in the side door, going in my office where I would service their needs, they would then exit out through accounting. (for obvious reasons). I said I was holding steady at three an hour. I was just stretching before my next visit. I also walked them over to show the wear on the carpet next to my door. I don't think they will ever ask me whats' up again.

Make mine Phat Please

Look what we called fat back in 2005. The ski on the left was considered a mid-fat ski. The ski ont he right is a 2010 version of mid-fat with a respectable 114mm waistline.

It becomes readily apparent how grotesque the scale is when they are base to base.

Believe it or not there is a ski behind there.

For the record I fed the monster drawn on my skis, the other skis. I would highly recommend big skis everything moves out of your way, even people from Texas.

I might b hooked

Since Mother Natures snow maker is tighter than a constipated sphincter (for the record I have never used sphincter in a written sentence) I decided to give backcountry skiing a try. So loaded up with all the gear we set out hiking Berthoud pass in search of snow. Nothing to crazy in light of the High Avalanche danger, but we still skied some really good overlooked powder a 20 minute hike from the car. We checked out some really inviting lines shown in red, but my scribbled depict what would have probably happened if we tried. Man they looked good though. So now I have to buy all the B.C. gear instead of borrowing. This could become a regular thing.

Dun Upgraded

For 2010 I'll be rolling this on the road.

This is now for sale, "gently used" and only ridded to Grandma's house a couple of times on Sunday. Let me know if anyone's interested.

MFK 3 Apple 0

I was just commenting xmas eave that I treat my phone like crap. I drop it, open bear bottles with it, and generally belittle it any chance I get. Even after all this ill treatment it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin. Then suddenly my phone gave me a Christmas gift. I'd like to think it wanted me to have a peaceful Christmas, with no interruptions, but it was really just getting back at me for all the harsh treatment. So it decided to break, but not fully break. It would receive calls and texts, but I just couldn't answer them. It just sat on my coffee table mocking me. I tell you what I never get calls, but the minute you can't answer your phone it blows the eff. up. I can only imagine all those chicks that were lonely on Christmas that I missed out on. In an even more evil twist, my phone was going to force me to got to the Apple store on the day after Christmas, mall hell. Then strange things started to happen. I steal my internet. This makes it somewhat unreliable. I haven't had service in a month, but suddenly when I really need a Genius bar appointment it started working. Apparently the Apple store opens an hour early for tech support, pretty sweet. Apple confirmed that my phone was indeed a terrorist operative and needed to be put down. I don't know if it was the Christmas spirit or the fact that I prominately displayed my mac and ipod on the bar, but I got a new phone for free. This is quite an accomplishment considering my phone was 2 years and 54 days old. Talk about a happy customer. Apple aint bad at all. They are MFK tested and MFK approved. To date I've gotten two ipods, and a phone replaced. I think this mac is getting tired, I better trade up soon.

Yoda, you little green bastard, I should have never trusted you. This snow situation is getting serious. You said it was going to be a good snow year, feel the force. I'll give you some force. I'm getting crotchety. All I here is the cliche sayings from the masses at work "oh I hear the mountains are getting snow" Yeah the ones 8 hrs from Denver, or the ones that don't have lifts. Vail is getting shafted, summit county might as well be a desert. The next person that asks me how the snow up there is I'm going to hit them. For Chirst's sake look over your left shoulder, all those 14,000 foot peaks you can see from downtown are brown, not white. Shouldn't that be your answer? I hear burning green Yoda balls are a snowmaker, come hear you little dwarf.

New Camera

I got a new DSLR camera for my Africa trip. I was trying out las night. After seeing the Colts pull out another win last night, I decided to see if I could capture Peyton doing an interview. Denver to Jacksonville, FL now thats a zoom. I think I've created a whole new genre of photography, TV photography. As, in taking pictures of your tv, brilliant right?

Candy Update

Four are gone. I hope I don't cause any gastric distress.

Jaco Petting Zones

My friend Hill is back from Law School in Cali. I have developed a matrix so she doesn't over pet her dog and cats, and injure herself or the animals in the process. See below. Let me clarify "Ball" is Ball-Throwing, as in catch. Not Balls.

PS. I f you like what you see I can create a custom pet petting plan based on your needs.

Killed It

You know it's going to be a good ski day when you level a Coyote on your drive up the hill. Apparently Blizzak snow tires provide equal traction on snow as well as medium sized mammals. In fact the ample siping traps small hairs for later species identification. After weeks of frustration and cursing the weather, the skiing was finally good. A group of us decided to burn a coveted Vail day, and we were not disappointed. Our first run did nothing to heighten our spirits, typical lame cruiser. However, a brief discussion with ski patrol, and white-out conditions provided us what we were looking for. Prima traditionally a bump run was seeing no skis, but tons of windblown powder. It became a race to see who could make the fewest turns down the thing. From the lift we then spied the North Rim. This guy has a mandatory air entry, made much more mandatory by early season snow pack. It was technically closed, but ski patrol only has so much rope. We always sent Manny down first. He had the greatest surface area to probe for rocks. He never found any, good thing he landed head first most of the time. The landings were a surprising thigh deep depth. We then blatantly skied through an obvious closure area and proceeded to devastate the Prima Cornice run. Sick, Sick, Sick. We were in knee deep, but the early snow pack accentuated the terrain making ample air opportunities. In the end 16 runs, 22,000 vertical, some 10 footers, not bad for a day you thought was going to suck.

Totally Innoculated

This morning I received all of my shots for Africa, its quite a laundry list of less than desirable conditions. My favorite part was the "Consultation" what seemed like common sense to me obviously is not to others. For example sex with the indigenous population. I was under the impression that HIV drips off the trees and runs down the streets in Africa. They recommended the use of a condom. Good tip, however American women don't seem to like me, why would African women? This is not going to be an issue (However Canadian women do seem to dig the MFK, weird.)

In the end I was punctured by no less than four needles and loaded up with three pill prescriptions. I think I'm going to test out all my new immunities this weekend. I think I'll drink some pond water, while eating some under cooked chicken off a public restroom floor. I might throw in some inappropriate activities with farm animals just to push the envelope. I also figure hand washing is no longer necessary, that's a plus.

MFK's Fine Candies

So I'm beginning to believe people will eat any Christmas related snacks and proclaim that they are great. Enter Dietrichs's fine chocolates.

Look how festive they are, I bet that one in the corner is tasty. However you are in the world of MFK's clinical experiments and tests. You have seen them before the Muffin Endurance Test, the half eaten sandwich affair, and the still to come Taco Bar Ultimate fighting championship. This is one is a bit sadistic. These little nuggets (and that is probably what they are) are one year old. You cans see by the date I wrote on the back last year, I've had them in my desk, just waiting.

I'm putting them in the kitchen for consumption. I'll report back on their situation in 24hrs.

Holiday BIM

I saw this on another blog, since I'm a geek, I liked it. It's kinda right up my alley why count it if the computer can do it better?

4-Ever

Seems like it's been forever since I last posted. I got back from about 2 Weeks straight of not being at home, or more importantly not being at work = no time to post on the blog. Ironic, yes.

I've started a cycling lifting program, but I've got to get a heavier bike. I'm just not going to see any gains lifting a 16 lb road bike. I get some looks in the gym. Speaking of the gym I'm formulating some good observations. I'll post a matrix of pudgy wannnabe ultimate fighter guys, and they say cyclist look dorky.

Can't Leave My Room

So I'm at a conference in Vegas, but I can't leave my room. You see there is a TV in the bathroom and all the porn channels are not blocked on it. I'm afraid if I turn it off they will go away. I've been sleeping in the bathtub.

Arthur Bryant's

Since I am in Kansas City I couldn't help but sample some of the finest Barbecue in the world. An enormous debate rages inside my stomach as to what is better Gates or Arthur Bryant's. I'll say for ambiance and authenticity, Arthur Bryant's is the leader. I mean the pit master is named Bacon.

Lets start with this sign, I counted 71 just one half of the seating area, not including staff.

You get to look at this as you wait in line.

Now this is a PIT, it takes a minimum of 40 years to develop the necessary black crust.

Meat pile, no effing around here. I wouldn't recommend suggesting tofu to these guys. That's not dirt around the pit,that's flavor!

Behind the Scenes, yes that is a trash can full of fries.

Burnt Ends Open Face sandwich, bitches. You know you want it.

Gate's Barbecue is Friday, still my favorite.

Bonding with my Turkey

I was gazing in to my refrigerator yesterday and I notices my turkey. He looked bored, and obviously has no idea as to what was about to happen to him. So I decided to get him drunk. I staked up beer around him, double wing style, as turkeys can't make fists. As the family watched TV at night I would here a kick, or distant scratch from the door. That was my sign that he needed another.

He was going through then at 2x10 to the 9th power. I said Earl, that's what I named him, they're going to pick you up with a stick and a spoon. That's when I realized I was they, and I was going to use a fork, or maybe just pull a leg off. I gave him another and patted him where I assumed his head would be.

Yard of Jimmy

So I've eaten 3 consecutive days of Jimmy Johns. So I figure I'm up to three feet plus of Jimmy so far.

How I feel

Finally someone else gets how I feel about TACO Bar, thanks HIll!

Chip Accessory Option

Holy Christ! Double Taco Bar Month! This time it came fully loaded with the chip accessory option.

This greatly expands the versatility of the beans and quac, brilliant.

TIP: When at the restaurant, just order all beans instead of rice and beans. Deep down everyone wants more beans but they are afraid to ask. Don't fear the legume.

New Ride

My new snow tires kicked so much ass this weekend, I decided to upodate my whole ride. Here's me in my new High-Vis orange plow. CDOT lets me use it whenever. Why you ask? Because I'm MFK, and Katie Compton I was MFK long before you were KFC.

I also rocked out the Slack-Line at the ski expo this weekend. Here is a pic of Manny the mohawk just before Scott and I drilled him with Beach-balls to the face. I think he was use to that kinda of thing.

I will give him credit he only sold ski-boots to the hottest chicks. No moms, no dudes. It was impressive to watch him try to control his foot fetish.

Benefit Of the Doubt?

Back Story:

So I got new tires today, some phat snow eating Blizzaks. I hope Yoda was right about the snow year, I can't wait to put them to the test on Vail Pass. Anyway when my car was finished I swung by the tire shop on my lunch ride to pick up my car. Naturally I was in full spandex kit and helmet, and parked my bike in plain site.

The Setup:

The Hot Blonde tire manager commented on my outfit. She says "That's quite a little outfit that your wearing" Naturally I commented back " Yeah, its my racquet-ball uniform" and " I got wear a helmet when I play because I hit the walls alot." She says without missing a beat " Oh, you play raquetball, that sounds fun."

The Dilemma:

Was she that quick witted to play along, or did she really think it was a racquet ball uniform?

I have my thoughts, partly because I was charged a tire disposal fee for tires I didn't throw away. Either way I did get a free oil change, must have been the spandex.

Discuss

Discuss amongst yourselves

Good Snow Year

Everyone can relax. I have consulted the authority on the subject, and it will be a good snow year.

Where's the weight room?

I can now tell you. I've been "workin out" with a hard core cycling related program. Can't you tell? I hit the keys on my keyboard much harder, they should appear bolder on your screen. I almost put my mouse through my desk when I double clicked. Check out my biceps.

Yes there are web pages where people actually send in photographs of their biceps. Interesting.

I guess this makes it official.

I have a plane ticket to Uganda.

BRITISH AIRWAYS 12MAR DENVER CO LONDON 520P 905A

BA 218 FRIDAY DENVER INTL HEATHROW 13MAR

N ECONOMY AIRCRAFT: BOEING 777-200/300

RESERVATION CONFIRMED



BRITISH AIRWAYS 13MAR LONDON ENTEBBE 1045A 1010P


BA 63 SATURDAY HEATHROW

N ECONOMY AIRCRAFT: BOEING 767-200/300

RESERVATION CONFIRMED

Done for the day?

So I rolled in to work at 7 AM, don't ask me why. It's my dish day today, so I unloaded the washer. I think my work is done for the day.

I did get a little fun out of it. I mixed up where all the plates and cups go, and hid the forks. We'll see what happens.

Two-Minute Drill

Here are the thoughts that entered my head in the last two minutes

Jimmy Johns Cannon

Tatoos for construction related failures or successes

auto cad sucks

Dancing with a dog (not as perverted as it sounds)

How do they decide which side to put the handle on a coffee cup?

Stainless Steel lined explosion proof fume hoods - thats what my toilet at home should be like.

What do they mean by "Touching Moment" at the end of the World Series? did it have anything to do with an A-rod?

If you put a 1 next a 1 is it an 11 or just two 1's next to each other?

Indulgent Trail mix from Wall-Mart is really, really good.

MFK Silhouette

I'm getting really close here to making a silhouette image of the back of my head. Just sayin...

Boulder CX

After making the intelligent choice to not race the Boulder Cup this weekend, I came away with a warm feeling that I saved $100, didn't get to start in the last row of 80 people, and saved the disappointment of getting pulled after 5 laps. I wish had a better story, kinda like Todd Wells who apparently has the largest saddle sore in recorded history. He makes it sound like it has it's own zip code on his blog. Thank goodness he has restrained himself from posting pictures. Here are some of mine (Not of saddle sores)

This is a good shot of the mens start, MFK would have started here: See Below

This was the start are reserved for Faux Pro's about a 1/4 mile from the real start.

I did capture some evidence supporting my XTR 2011 prediction - XTR Electric. Adam Craig was running the DI2 Electric Shifting on his Cross bike. The conditions were just as crap as the worst MTB race I've done, and he said it worked great.

I spent the rest of the day trying to get people to stand next to Kelly Emmit so I could take a picture of her, but make it look like I wasn't.

MFK 4 Africa - Moving Forward

I reserved a plane flight yesterday, so that puts another check mark in the commitment column.

The trip is scheduled for March 12-27. I've been practicing my dance moves. I feel it will be necessary to really bond with the culture. I'm also trying to develop some kind of light-weight snuggie for the trip. Perhaps a mosquito netting snuggie. I might be on to something.

Smart Chicks

The following is definitive proof that high-school chicks are smart.

Who else could think up a way to share the same pair of pants at the same time? I bet they have some Kriss-Kross on their ipod.

Don't Say I didn't warn you

I finally left my house today after "working" from home for two days. I did get some turns in on Green Mtn. Yeti Betty on Skis

The Green Mountain Glory Bowl 2' plus of fresh with big drifts.

Jaco very tired after chasing Amy, Scott and MFK around on skis.

This is the one.

I have determined we are screwed. This is the big one (as far as October snows go)

Two reasons: I almost go snow tires this weekend, but I didn't and I just lost my marble again.