If its on the net, I know about it.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

The same bike listed in the Atlanta Craigslist. For the record the legitimate ebay seller has no idea there add was copy and pasted.

And for your entertainment the Atlanta's sellers email.

Hello,

My bike is still for sale, in excellent condition both cosmetically as well as mechanically!The price includes shipping and insurance!
I 'm in Italy so I'm using WalMart services to take care of this deal, smooth and safe. A friend of mine from New York city took the bike and left it there at the WalMart warehouse,in their custody.
The price includes shipping and insurance to your address and you will have 10 days of inspection.
If you want to proceed , reply me your full name and shipping address and i will begin the shipping through WalMart.
After that Walmart will give you the tracking number and the payment details.
If you need more information feel free to email !

Janet

sent from Janet's iPhone

Parting entertainment:

"Janet" started adding the sent from Janet's iphone bit after I emailed "her" on my iphone!

Skills

Thats right a scale, a marble, and a high-lighter. I even went onward and upward with a binder clip and some post it notes. Skills baby Skills.

YOGA

Seems like every girl I talk to is in to Yoga, granted I only talk to about one a year so the sample size is not the best to gather data from. Never the less they all dig Yoga, and the conversation inevitably heads towards we should go do yoga together. I believe no man has ever just signed up for a yoga class on his own. All mens yoga started with a woman and his desire to see her in Yoga pants. I will be practicing the following positions so as not embarrass myself should the inevitable arise.

X-mas just around the corner

For the 12 days of Christmas I'm going to wear obnoxious sweaters. I've started to look online for the goods. If you have anything for my cause, let me know size medium to extra-large will probably work.

Somebodies Watching Me

I don't use Geico, so I have a squash instead.

Poor Blog

My blog has lost all attention from me. I got so bored, I couldn't write. I am know slightly less bored so I can again surf the fringe of insanity and offer up conjecture from one of my multiple personalities. I've also rediscovered The Chappelle show. My morning now start with coffee, and a you tube clip.

Mail Server

I may have posted this previously but.....How can I get an email telling me that email is down?

It is a scientific wonder of the digital age.

My bike is trying to kill me

I'm in a tw0 week struggle with my new bicycle. Lets begin I received a new Giant 29er, out of the box it is a fat lady. However, with a diet and work out plan, the flubber hides a tight little bikini body. Stripping her down was easy. The hard part was getting her to accept new parts. Here is the gremlin list.

Rear brake - how many time can you bleed it and it not work. I'm on par with BP for spilled oil.

Crank Bolts - how many of these can you loose? Oh and I'm using an MRP so it has funky washer that is impossible to find.

MRP- I hope it's in the right place. They use a 3 MM Aluminum bolt. The head is good for one use.

Front Brake - This is the loudest thing I have ever heard. I've done everything in the book to shut it's mouth.

Lets talk wheels now - they have a whole special section. Lets just say all this could be avoided if someone I know would order my Stan's wheels.

The wheels are not tubeless so you have to tape the eff out of them. They are a deep-V so the tape does not fit easily in the groove, further more the spoke holes are asymetric so they look like a drunk 4 year old drilled them wherever. Then my stans valves are too small for the giant valve hole. So I have to track down jumbo valves after pushing the small valve through the hole like 10 times. Inflate, re-inflate more tape, more cussing, more stans. (By this time my living room floor has a glossy sheen of stans on it) Yes, I do all my bike maintenance in my living room. Why? #1 I don't care #2 no wife of gf to tell me not to. The upside is my living room can probably run tubeless, I just don't know where to pump it up. So I get bot wheels to cooperate, and hold air for 24 hrs. The next day on my shakedown rid I noticed I mounted my front tire backwards, a directional tire backwards just doesn't work so well. Naturally I had to deflate and remount. Oddly this tire was quite nice to work with. It new that in less than 24hrs it would try to kill me. Luring me in to set the hook. Race day 10 minutes before the start, flat tire. Tube, lots of C02, time trial back to the car for pump more co2 and a tube. (because for the record tubes suck, I can't run them off-road) 10 minutes in to the race flat. But wait, I have a 26" tube on a 29 rim. This is brain damage, pure hell to do at the side of the trail in a race. Fairly pissed at this point. I really think I could have hung on the group for a low teens finish, or cracked the top 10. Instead I swept up the dregs of the pro-field. I can't tell you how excited I was to do 5 miles of flat fire road by myself in to the wind. It was so nice to hear stories of how everybody worked together in wicked pace-line in that section, must have been nice.

Back at home. Tire exchange. Specialized does have a great tire warranty, so at least my ripped $65 tire is not a total loss, but the shop is on the other side of town and naturally they work on the highway on the weekends. So I got to experience some high quality gridlock, on a sunny 95 degree day. ( my a/c works like crap, a whole other saga)

New tires, and another role of Stan's tape. Guess what that tape don't stick unless the rim is fully dry and free from old Stan's. So thats an hour of scrubbing and waiting. Now this tape is too wide. The tire pushes the tape down the sidewall of the rim, exposing the spoke holes. It's almost comical at this point.

Day 3 screw it lets ride tubes. Let me remind you I can't ride tubes. two flats on this ride. Oh and the tube effed up one of the tape jobs. eff me in the Goat A$$.

Yesterday. I got one tire mounted tubless and happy. I started on the second rim. I got about 1/4 the way around the rim, and out of tape. I have no more emotions left.

Intern

How do I get an intern I'm supposed to keep busy? R they trying to make me shoot myself?

OK

I got bored enough to update my blog again, or maybe it's because I'm in a good mood? I had breakfast with my favorite dog. Maybe it was the early morning ball throwing?

CJ Sports Timing Hates Me

So I completed the first my "real" mtb race of the season and I was robbed of my result. How much more can I do when I talk to the official and confirm my finish. Just for the record I did not DNF Teva. They killed me at the National Championships, for $95 I just wanted a correct result. Way back in the day, they almost stole a race win from me. I must have pissed them off somewhere.

Burrito Packin Protocol

Stay tuned I'm working on a tortilla that will greatly simplify the packing of said burrito. Graphics and Diagrams to follow. But it basically is a tortilla with lines and color coding that enable you to properly fill a burrito, but yet still be able to properly roll it up. Oil spill in the Gulf? This is a real problem that needs to be solved.

The "Bless You"

I never have understood the "Bless You" Phenomenon. When you sneeze people will literally trip over themselves to say "Bless You". No matter how many times you sneeze they won't stop. I bet you could play a recording of a sneeze 6o times, and the people will say bless you, 60 times. It is a conditioned response, almost a little disturbing. How does the sneeze get this magical blessing? Isn't it just a normal body action? How come when you burp it is seen so negative, or God forbid rip a fart. Are those not similar body actions? In my opinion significantly less harmful. I don't believe a cold, or flu have ever been spread by farting. But the sanctified sneeze sending mucus and other viral muck at 120 mph is considered above the law and Saint like. Furthermore, everybody knows you sneezed and it has already interrupted what you were doing, why drag it out with a chorus of Bless You's. For the record I have never said Bless You, and don't expect me to start any time soon. Unless you are a really hot chick, and you want me to be sensitive.

Irony

Does anyone see anything wrong with this picture? It is a Ugandan 50,000 Shilling Note about $23.80 US. That will get you the best hotel in town with three meals, two 500ml beers at the bar, and and a slightly chilled afternoon Coca-Cola.

However it may not be as bad as this.

That'r right Obama Jeans.

Eye Pad

Apparently there is more than one witty person out there. Well done sir.

My current plan is to get one of these (the real one) and fasten it to the back of my head. It will display the back of my head to cover up all my web browsing from casual hall passers by. Option two is still the image of the back of my head, but attached to my seat. That way I won't even need to be in my office.

Actually Got Excited

So after looking through all 242 posted pictures of the Rabbit Valley Rally race, I actually got excited about MTB racing. It looked like fun, but I would have missed my foot powder day on my birthday. (not a bad trade-off) Colorado is pretty sweet. Powder in the morning and a warm sunny bike ride in the afternoon.

Not Forgotten

I was thinking the other day, I've neglected the blog. I guess I got out of the habit while in Uganda. I owe all of you heated blog posts about Boda Boda traffic lubricant, home-made Matoke, and how luck we are in the US regardless of the economy and who is president. However, I'm not sure what it is about Africa, but it seems like everyone wants to go back. Maybe it's just Uganda, but most of the people are just concerned about living rather than all the craziness that the world has in it. In all of the 14 days I was there, a 10 minute conversation stands out. A 50 year old man named Alex who runs the Namma orphanage described his water needs. He also talked about how much the climate had changed over his life (shorter rainy season and less predictable). He wanted to know why. Thats when it hit me. My 60 mile a day commute with a V8 engine might be killing somebody. Hows that for a reality check? You don't really think much about climate change when you get your water from a tap and your food from a store. But when all the water you get gets collected off of your roof you start to pay a little more attention.

Out Of Africa

From western Uganda to DIA only takes 44 hrs. I recommend Alcohol and Ambien, its the only way to travel. As soon as I get back on some kind of schedule I'll post more. But here are some compelling photos.

I was so close to this Chimp, I could have helped her eat those fruits.

I got within less than 10 feet of this guy. As you round the corner of a building when you are in the Savannah of Africa, and you hear a munching noise, it's sometimes better not to look. Just keep moving forward and try to let ignorance protect you from a 4000 lb wild hippopotamus.

The other dumb thing I heard

Since I'm leaving for 2+ weeks, a lot of people can't believe I have the time for vacation. This is how yo do it.

1. Schedule your vacation, say 5 months in advance

2. Every time someone issues a deadline, say I'm sorry I'm on vacation and that will not work.

3. If they don't change it say. I'm sorry you will not receive your deliverables from me during that time. I am on vacation the one I scheduled 5 months ago. I can get you what you need a week earlier, but I will not be available for review. I will be on vacation.

Trust me when you die, your dying wish will not be to spend one more day at the office answering emails.

I've dun dum dumb things, but....

Accident Summary

A single male snowmobiler descended the slope, triggering the slide which he rode out to the bottom of the debris field, which terminated in heavy green timber. The rider and snowmobile were not buried, but pushed into the trees; no injuries. The depth of the crown was approximately 3 feet and appeared to fracture on an old bed surface; the slide was approximately 50 yards wide and ran out about 80 to 100 yards; only about a quarter of the exposed slope slid, with considerable hang-fire remaining.

Comments

I came upon the scene a few minutes after the incident; the single rider involved in the slide was with a group of companions who stayed at the top of the slope and observed the event. After extricating his snowmobile, the rider continued to attempt to climb the slope that had just slid, which had considerable 'hang-fire' above the crown. The rider finally climbed the slope above the crown and stuck his sled on the hang-fire, eventually getting off the snowmobile and manually turning it down the slope and then riding it to the bottom again before leaving the area. His companions stated that no one in the party had beacons or probe poles; they did have shovels.

Important Announcement

Ice melts when it gets warm

Thank you Littleton newspaper for your profound insight.

Bedtime

So it's 9:15 PM in Kampala Uganda, 11:15 Am local time. Since I usually crawl in to bed at 9, yes lame but I do enjoy sleep, I will be dimming my lights for some office shut-eye.

Quality Posting

This gets the MFK stamp of approval for quality Craigslist post.

Lion Balls

I decided to do some pre Africa training last weekend. I did a couple of sprints through the lion paddock at the zoo just to hone my evasion skills.

I got one really pissed when I tickled it's nuts with a stick. On a side note I was really unimpressed by the size of Lion balls. I mean this is the king of the jungle, shouldn't they be larger?

Cheetahs aren't really fast, maybe I'm just that fast?

I had an in depth conversation with this guy about his role in the Planet of the Apes.

I want my bicylce to be painted like this

Bras

Yes, I would like to experience all seven please.

Operation Comcast Purge

I've been in this hate state with Comcast for years, what am I paying for? You can get a dozen channels in HD for free, and they actually look better over the air. I'ver had a DVR from them for 5 years and they still charger me rent, plus tax on the puppy. It's really $200 in hardware thats 5 years old. On demand? All the online movie sources are cheaper and the free movies are 80% straight to Video, the other 20% are 10 years or more old. I get 10 home shopping channels and boat load of spanish, fitness, and pretty much crap programming. Even though the History Channel and Discovery are in HD, Comcast doesn't broadcast it that way. I have devised a plan.

Qwest DSL to the Apple Airport Extreme, you can plug any hard drive in to this thing and all the data flies wireless. Stream Content via the HD to an unlocked Apple TV (not really necessary if you don't care about an HDMI out and digital sound) and in to the TV. You can get an HD antenna for $15 so thats local channels. Hulu, Netflix, Amazon, Boxee, Frecaster, iTunes, and all the Networks pretty much got you covered over the web. ESPN maybe the only odd one out for the NFL , but I thing they have a webcast package you can pay for. You can also mix the Airtport Express and your Mac in for some tunes and any other content. The experiment starts tommorrow, Comcast I think you days are numbered.

Africa Bike Prep

Me and a couple of dudes preped and packed all 15 bikes for my Africa trip. Were talkin high quality machines here, so the greatest of care was taken while packing. Let the following pictures serve as a record of dilligency.

You've gotta make sure the pedals are tight. I'd recommend torquing to beyond sanity levels. Notice the 3' cheater bar.

Drywall Screws make for the most secure tire attachment.

We treated this one with "kids Gloves" you can never be too careful in Africa. We got some tubes donated, and I shit you not they are probably Cobra bite proof!

All in days work, I can't wait to cobble all these things back together beneath the equatorial sun, while suffering from a travel hang-over.

iWhack

Sweet Apple has created a new category for applications for the iphone, ipod touch, and the forthcoming (no pun intended) itablet. It is labeled explicit content. I can know work on my iwhack application. I'm going to be rich!

My Bald Spot

Last Friday I had a "meeting" that ran late in the day so I decided to use it as an excuse to go skiing. We got up to Berthoud Pass at about 2:30 and tried to get in as many runs as we could. It had been snowing all week and most of the day leaving a goot foot of fresh for the picking. We decided on the Floral Park side of the pass, both for Avalanche conditions and hitchhiking ease. Our first run was ok, a little blown out because it is easy to get to, but we did get a ride in less than 5 minutes. For the second run we were going to make our way to the Bald Spot. It's a pretty sweet, steep powder field with a fish weir of trees and then another steep run-out to the road.

Scottytime goes first exposing all the rocks I wished to avoid. When he signaled at the bottom it was my turn. Sideslip, turn, slideslip turn and then hammerdown as you bust through the trees. Bad Idea. Apparently there are some pissed off boulders at my choice of entry. I nailed one immediately stopping my ski, but my momentum carried me forward in a text book tomahawk rotation. After the first loop I nailed my ass/kidney area on a rock, and then went right in to a double cork. Scotty said I had at least two more rotations in me, except I hit a nice soft Christmass tree that stopped me cold. The pic below points to the rock band. After I pulled my stuff together the exit was some nice fresh deep pow.

I'm here to tell you it freaking hurt, but not nearly as bad as a separated shoulder I got a couple of years ago. I did somehow manage to ski the next day at Vail ( a whole other story) after about 8 Advils. I'm going to spare you the bruising pictures but trust me my as has the following colors, with a little yellow mixed in.

UPS Lag part 2

5 minutes 38 seconds, between visual confirmation and web confirmation. I guess thats respectable considering the data probably wrapped the globe twice.

UPS Lag

I'm coordinating with my neighbor to find the exact lag between actual delivery and posted deliver via web tracking. Will report.

Bowing Beaver

If I were a native american, I would like my name to be "Bowing Beaver"

Just for reference, should the occasion arrive. I will update the matrix.

mfk makes a good pet

So I got a ride up the hill this weekend to Vail, and I got to sit in the back seat. This is unusual for me as I'm tall and most people surrender the front to me. Since I was in the back I decided to that I would pretend I was a dog. Every time I saw something pass us I stuck my head against the window, and followed it like a missile tracking system, only to lay back down when it was gone. I would also make random bark noises. Sometimes I would get really close to the people in the front seat. What also made it realistic was I couldn't roll down my own window, just like a dog. Whenever the driver rolled it down, I would stick my head out. It's not bad being a dog. I wish I was more flexible to really get the full experience.

Holly Random Comment

Wow Anonymous don't use drugs and the Bablefish translator at the same time. You're not ski patrol are you.

Anonymous said...

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February 9, 2010 6:26 AM

Mountain Transformation

I'm beginning to accept this is going to be the a horrible snow year. I'm a little picky. I don't see the point in skiing unless it is good snow. Four inches at Winter Park is not what I call appetizing. I mean A-basin is only 75% open and its almost the middle of February. That's bad folks. Some bright eyed Texan was all a twitter about skiing in Colorado yesterday. I almost broke down and cried when they asked me where the skiing was good. I remarked maybe Alaska? After the melt which is occuring right know, the beetle kill will result in a biblical conflagration leaving our mountains like this.

Bowl Skiing for everyone next year, that is if it snows.

I bring you a new Idiom

We've all "been around the block", and it probably is "not our first rodeo" but have you "traveled with the circus?

It's my creation I want credit Wickapedia.

I want your Box!

Maybe some more than others. But, seriously I need 15 bike boxes for my Uganda trip. Let me know if you can scrounge up any.

Avy Candy

Too tired to write, 25 hrs of driving 1200 miles 3 resorts, 3 days. A 3 resort fresh snowfall total of 97". Closed roads, driving through fresh slide debris on the road. Free ski passes. Kicking off avalanches. And the Colts are in the Superbowl.

It's gettin Deep!

So I'm beginning to think my friend Scott has sold his sole to the devil for some keen snow sense.

I mean it's stacking up in Silverton just in time for our trip. I just hope the pass doesn't close. It's also a lot of snow too quick, but they probably bomb. How many ways can the weather service say say full on snow puke?

I have acquired full on surfboards for the weekend. These are luxury powder splitting machinery. 120mm at the waste ought to be enough?

73%

I did a quick online test and found out that I'm 73% Ninja. I scored low on the "invisibility" scale (which I don't agree with) and Swords. I think I'm a solid 80 with the invisibility up where it should be.

Sweet Jesus

It's like the Jet Stream and Pacific Moisture want to push the Southern Rockies back to the primal subduction zone from whence they came!

Sexiest Thing I ever Saw

The above forecast is for Silverton Mountain. Let me quickly take you through the snow totals.

Worst Case - 36" of snow through Friday. Thats 3', one yard, one hobbit height. or roughly the ground to the top of your bicycle seat.

Best Case - 58" of snow through Friday. Thats 4'10", 1.5 meters, higher than the light switch on your wall, or a foot and a half above your door handle.

Whys is this so sexy. Me and the high speed snow removal crew have a Silverton reservation for Friday. I think it is going to be Epicgasmic. Me and the crew have been glued to NOAA.GOV and SKIFORECAST for 3 months waiting for it to all come together. My friends Uler the snow god is pissed and he's bringing it this week to the San Juans. The guides say expect 4 runs, and 10,000 vertical. The crew I usually ski with can do 20, 000 vert at Vail in a day. Were going for the record. Will report.

They grow up so quick

I recently got a hold of the puppy picks of my favorite dog. From this:

To this:

I know just try to contain the collective sighs.

Coaching BS

From time to time I have enlisted the services of a coach and or paid for a general season outline. I have had great success with a coach and a pathetic existence as a bike racer with a coach. All have been professional. meaning they fulfilled their end of the deal. They provided training plans and general season guidance. So in that sense I don't mean to coach bash, because their are some really good coaches out their and I'm sure they know their poop backwards and forwards. However, I think it takes the right mix of coach and athlete, and frankly a fast responding athlete for it all to work. I also think most of the "mail-order" coaches need a somewhat naive or a less than common sense rules athlete to see good results. Just from my experience telling me to get a good night sleep before the race,and eat a good meal just wasn't the keen insight I was looking for. Also I found coaches are really good at telling you your power numbers. You did x watts for x minutes. Thanks my free software already told me that. Or you did x watts more than in a similar interval last month. Again thanks, I knew that without looking at any numbers, but I'm still getting my butt kicked at a race. What is that power number? Thats the one I want. Or if I show you a race file, and I can pinpoint the time where the field rode away from me, why are we not simulating the events leading up to that point in training?

So I say eff-it. I'm going to ride how I feel when I feel like it. (yes I will have a general big picture in mind) I'm not going to give two-poops if I'm out of my zone 3 wattage in the base period, I might as well get used to it. The old Russian addage was to throw eggs (athletes) against the wall, and keep the ones that don't break. We'll my friends that is what a Mtn. Bike race is, and you need to be a tough egg. So I've decided this will be my best season ever. If I fry my egg so what, at least I'll know it didn't work for free.

Craigslist Bowl of Flakes

So I'm in the process of my yearly bike and gear purge, which means I got a lot on Craigslist. This is a very good tool, but it attracts the cream of the crop of nut jobs. You get people that stand you up, the dumbest questions (who cares how wide the bars are, they're bars)How many miles are on your bike, I dunno does 3000 sound good? Have you ever hit any rocks with these skis? Nope never made it off the roof rack on the way to Grandmas. It gets even better when you want to buy. People don't get back to you for a week. Last night I was on the phone telling this person, I'll give you your list price, I have the cash in my hand and I can put it in your hand tonight. They couldn't grasp the concept. I had to explain to them that they were trying to sell something and I wanted to buy it. Kooks

Skiing with Seth Morrison

So this weekend we got to ski with Seth Morrison. Who is that you ask? Well

Albeit it was 400 yards on the catpath at Vail, man he made it look easy.

The best $59 I ever spent

Me and three other went on a snow commando mission on New Years Eve. The plan was to crash another bro's condo in Avon. Upon checking the Snow report at 5 AM we were prepared to travel anywhere in the state that got the most snow. Luckily the big winner was Beaver Creek, 10 minutes from the condo, 13" in 24hrs, 18 in 48hrs. We got pretty darn close to first chair, and literally did things to powder snow that you usually have to pay internet sites to see and read about. After two months of pent up powder aggression, we were like kids with insects ripping each of the snowflakes six little legs off. The Beave was boned out by 12:30 mostly due to us. Thats when the acute powder sniffing capabilities of Scottytime became active. He was running some Voikl Kuros. You must understand these things were specifically designed by the military to deliver operatives to high mountain Afgahn caves. They skis enable Americas best to surf in through twenty feet of powder, huck in a bomb, and v-line down a 50 degree slope before the avalanche can catch you. Let me tell you the 100 billion we spend on the war on terror, finally did some good. After picking our way through some Vietnam like jungle tree sangs we came across an untouched and unopened run. Again ski patrol closure ropes are really just a reference. 3 EFFING FEET PLUS AND EASY 1000 FEET OF VERTICAL OF LUXURY EFFING POWDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We drilled 4 runs x 4 people making the hill look like a powder 8 tournament was held there, only less gay. (in a non gay way) On our last run it was officially opened it. We were having a competition to see who could enter the run the fastest. There was a four pack of gapers blocking the high speed entry, we showed no mercy. Four people at 30 MPH's were treated like high-school football players trying to stop Adrian Peterson. It wasn't pretty but we were 30 yards down hill (mostly in the air) before they could react. Ski patrol couldn't even react do to the velocity. In a nutshell the $59 ski with a friend ticket because our passes were blocked was the best money I ever spent.

Pictured above is Americas best powder destroying weaponry.