Just a suggestion

If you see this guy in your driveway, don't let him in, and call the CDC.

Yuki's Transformation

He will probably never see this but I think it's funny. Don't ask me how I found these pics.

Example 1.

Camel Back and a water bottle and a face plant.

Example 2:

International Super Model

Like a GORT

I'm going to practice being a GORT today. I will be completely still, only reacting to stimuli if necessary. I hope the internet stimulates me.

Silly Terrorists

Swine Flu, is this all you got?  Need I remind you that 20,000 people died in Africa as a result of snakebite last year. Asia had like 50,000. Why in the U.S. we average like 15-20. This is a far more effective way to scare us. Watch Snakes on A plane, or Anaconda that will strike fear in to our hearts.  Don't even get me started on smoking, that has killed more people than small pox. Swine Flu, Bird Flu.  Christ 5700 people died in the U.S. of food poisoning last year.  Hell I almost killed myself 3 times on my bike last year in the old mfk-flu-over-his-bars-in-to-pissed-off-rocks-enza. Needless to say I'm taking every precaution look what I did to my bed. It is flu and snake hardened.

Surrounded

I picked up my bottles last night. I surrounded myself with them. It looked like one of those creepy movies scenes with all the candles lit with the half melted wax dripping all over. I think the one in the corner was talking to me. It was asking if he was going to be the first to be jettisoned, like some spent stage of a moon rocket. His life over, only to spend eternity in some bush with a festering blob of unconsumed energy drink in it's bowels. I think I'll name them, and put the date on them. It will be like doing it to turtles and recapturing them years later.

What Gets a Cyclist Excited

Water bottles my friends, that's what. Imagine being able to toss your bottle in a race without remorse because you have a crap-load of them. Oh the wonders of Craigslist. 

I've been searching water bottles for two years. I am finally rewarded with 50 soft top Specialized bottles, (I'm a bottle snob and these are the good ones) all brand new.

Not bad for $15.

Weather People

I'm at my limit with the forecasting abilities of local weather personalities. Yes, they are personalities not actual forecasters.  They torpedoed both of my rides this weekend with their Yak Blood and broken bones forecast. Today I'll bash the 9 News Crew.

Kathy

Whoops I did it again. The only actually time I am correct is when I'm in the 9 news Backyard. If Im getting wet it must be snowing or raining. I started handing out the 9 News Red Umbrellas because I was wrong soooo much it even pissed me off.  I used to be hot, but now I'm getting crusty. I also have man-hands. Check it out when she does the "Low pressure sweeping form the North" arm movement.

Ashton

I'm not actually old enough to work on TV. My weather prowess is form a merit badge I got in the scouts. I also just learned from watching Deadliest Catch on Discovery that "Red Skies in Morning, Sailor take Warning" saying.  I randomly call people on the east coast and ask what color the sky is to help me out.  I enjoy skiing, my favorite run is School Marm at Keystone. I also used to sell snow tires in Phoenix.

Marty

I can't concentrate with Kathy around. I really wanted to be a sports caster but it wasn't in the cards. I also blew it by reporting the game scores wrong.  It was just too hard to be correct.  Thank goodness for weather.com I wouldn't have a thing to say.  I also gave Kathy the man hands by replacing her lotion with Acetone. Damn umbrellas, that was my idea!

Terminate Thy Self

I really didn't feel this bad, looks can be deceiving.

3-2-1 Contact

It all started with sweet pickles and 3-2-1 contact. Smart moms know how kids minds grow upon sweet pickles.  Well that’s what the commercials said. When I was a kid I was sick a lot, and stayed home a lot. I like to think that PBS sculpted my mind 3-2-1 Contact was my favorite show, and then when we sprung for cable Mr. Wizard and me were pals.  That kind of educational backbone and pedigree got me in to one of the best engineering schools in the country.  I managed to get a respectable GPA, while only attending 50% of my classes.  I wanted to share with you that how this week all my accumulated knowledge was utilized. For 40 hrs of documented work here is what I have to show for the week in “Real Work”

I copied numbers from one column of an Excel sheet to another column in the same Excel sheet. I then renamed the column heading, and bolded the sum total of the column.  I then emailed this sheet. I guess I don't feel too bad, my cube mate is packaging his golf clubs he just sold on Ebay. 

Use the following tutorial if you need to do some copy and paste action.

Astana's Little Secret

No it's not Lance Doping or doing 23 year old super-models after his kids go to bed.  It is the wholesale disregard for minimum age limits for professional cycling.  It looks like Astana took a chapter from the Chinese's book here. If you believe that on gymnast was 16 or even 13 you need your eyes checked. The kid Brajkovic looks to be about 14 or 15, this may be the first time he has ever been kissed.  Good thing the shot was cut off above the waste. I bet he was excited. Someone tell those girls to kick it with people of their own age. (I'm available for hot Italian women)

Goodies

I put together a few items which I'm sure will be hot summer fashion trends.

I have also partnered with Super 8 motels to bring to you a full line of "quality" MFK inspired linens and textiles for the home,trail and office. Just when you thought there was no price on quality, I have delivered. Notice the color pallet? It's no coincidence.

My First PRO experience

Fruita TT – My current training program has me swapping volume for intensity these last few weeks. Unfortunately the last few weeks have been the type of weather that would make a professional port-a-jon cleaner puke.  So basically I do the intensity but don’t get any of the maintenance miles. I then had a rest week scheduled for the week before Fruita, but I wasn’t really tired. So I was just de-training myself. In short I sucked at the TT. I mean I was slower than last year.  Last year I was so slow I was afraid they were going to charge me extra to race. They had a valid point, I mean they did have to wait around until it got dark for me to come in, and they do get paid by the hour. On the numbers front I rode the first 10 minutes of the TT 30 watts below my race simulation, that’s pretty bad. Shortly after the TT I began to ponder all the things I could have bought instead of a bicycle here is one of them.

 

Man I would be a bad ass at the Cherry Creek shooting range with this thing, 600 rounds a minute of pleasure at that rate you could have burned through almost a 1000 rounds of ammo between my time and the winners time.

In anticipation of the XC I went shopping for one of those slow moving vehicle triangles. I couldn’t find any Amish wagons to steal one off of so I broke down and got one at Wal-Mart.

I also picked up some of these trinkets to outfit my rig for the back of the pack. 

So on to the XC the next day. I really had no anticipation of riding well today, however I did feel better than the day before. After a warmup, which did no good because the race was delayed 30 minutes the start was on.  My first PRO start wasn’t as violent as I anticipated. I was able to stay in the group fairly easily for 10 minutes, even move up. We did one little hill where I had to work pretty hard, then I was hit with another roller that separated me.  I had to slow down and this is where  I imagine my race was over.  I wasn’t concerned about losing the heads of state, just the working class pros that I should be competitive with. The course had a long two track/road descent that my bike really liked. I’ll take a YETI over just about any bike if its straight and downhill.  I caught up to Chad Cheeney. You always know it’s him. I don’t know the guy but he has the worst B.O. of any human. I have been smelling his skank since my early Expert days. The Mesa climb wasn’t too bad, I got in a lot of traffic some other PRO’s were hitting the wall on this thing. I decided to go to the granny just to keep moving around the mine field. The photog was at the top and caught me in all my glory. Perfect sock height documented again.

 

The Climb

I got passed once on the mesa by a 29er guy, who promptly forgot how to ride his bike after he got in front of me, I had to baby sit him down the whole descent. At one point we were going slow enough that I could have grabbed a sandwich and a beer out of the cooler, on a 4-wheeler that was half-wheeling me.

The highlight of the race was the climb out of the river bottom. I usually suck at this point in the race, but I think I found my legs.  I made contact with the next group of guys, but ran out of hill before I could do any real damage to them.

Summing up it wasn’t bad for the first Pro race, I really only needed 4 minutes to get where I wanted to be. If I could have hung with the main group a tad longer I would have gained that time easily. Give me a long hill and who knows. I did get a comped entry to Chalk Creek, so I guess I have to do it. The only problem is my stitching came out of my high quality shorts.  When I took of my pants at the lot my chammy pad literally fell out like a wet tongue. I'm down to one usable pair of team kit, I may be running stealth next week.