I have witnessed a disturbing trend throughout my office, it is the rampant mutilation of healthy muffins. Imagine a muffin sits proud in his box, flanked by others of his kind, ready to fulfill his duty of pleasuring your lips and tongue. This muffin has spent upwards of 20 minutes in a 350 degree oven for you, it asks nothing in return but to peel back its paper chassis and enjoy. But you sir/madam have something sinister, something hideous in store for them. You toy with them, by picking off the chocolate chips that cling to their tops. You draw and quarter them. You disembowel them just because you don’t like the cream cheese center. You cut them in half, leaving them completely defenseless at cleanup time. Seriously these things are not starfish or the tails of lizards. They don’t grow back when dissected. Frankly, I find it disgusting. Would you treat a steak like this? Look at these poor bastards.
This little apple sweetheart was the victim of a violent bi-lateral separation. His oven buddy to the left had is head shaved off.
This gruesome scene is disturbing. The mutilator just took a little off each side. The poor guy can't stand up. It makes me think of sea-otters caught in an oil spill. Or that poor bird with a six-pack ring around it's neck. Do you see the trend of leaving the instrument of destruction at the scene of the crime. I think the offender is toying with me. Go ahead just try to catch me.
Even though this is not a muffin, that doesn't mean doughnuts don't feel pain. Can you imagine the agony of having your carefully twisted and sugar sealed joints slowly unraveled? For all the humanity, when will it end?
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