Why do they call you MFK?

If its on the net, I know about it.

2010-10-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

The same bike listed in the Atlanta Craigslist. For the record the legitimate ebay seller has no idea there add was copy and pasted.

And for your entertainment the Atlanta's sellers email.

Hello,

My bike is still for sale, in excellent condition both cosmetically as well as mechanically!The price includes shipping and insurance!
I 'm in Italy so I'm using WalMart services to take care of this deal, smooth and safe. A friend of mine from New York city took the bike and left it there at the WalMart warehouse,in their custody.
The price includes shipping and insurance to your address and you will have 10 days of inspection.
If you want to proceed , reply me your full name and shipping address and i will begin the shipping through WalMart.
After that Walmart will give you the tracking number and the payment details.
If you need more information feel free to email !

Janet

sent from Janet's iPhone

Parting entertainment:

"Janet" started adding the sent from Janet's iphone bit after I emailed "her" on my iphone!

Skills

2010-08-11T10:19:00.000-07:00

Thats right a scale, a marble, and a high-lighter. I even went onward and upward with a binder clip and some post it notes. Skills baby Skills.

YOGA

2010-08-11T07:00:00.001-07:00

Seems like every girl I talk to is in to Yoga, granted I only talk to about one a year so the sample size is not the best to gather data from. Never the less they all dig Yoga, and the conversation inevitably heads towards we should go do yoga together. I believe no man has ever just signed up for a yoga class on his own. All mens yoga started with a woman and his desire to see her in Yoga pants. I will be practicing the following positions so as not embarrass myself should the inevitable arise.

X-mas just around the corner

2010-08-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

For the 12 days of Christmas I'm going to wear obnoxious sweaters. I've started to look online for the goods. If you have anything for my cause, let me know size medium to extra-large will probably work.

Somebodies Watching Me

2010-08-09T08:41:00.001-07:00

I don't use Geico, so I have a squash instead.

Poor Blog

2010-08-06T17:30:00.000-07:00

My blog has lost all attention from me. I got so bored, I couldn't write. I am know slightly less bored so I can again surf the fringe of insanity and offer up conjecture from one of my multiple personalities. I've also rediscovered The Chappelle show. My morning now start with coffee, and a you tube clip.

Mail Server

2010-07-01T07:12:00.000-07:00

I may have posted this previously but.....How can I get an email telling me that email is down?

It is a scientific wonder of the digital age.

My bike is trying to kill me

2010-06-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

I'm in a tw0 week struggle with my new bicycle. Lets begin I received a new Giant 29er, out of the box it is a fat lady. However, with a diet and work out plan, the flubber hides a tight little bikini body. Stripping her down was easy. The hard part was getting her to accept new parts. Here is the gremlin list.

Rear brake - how many time can you bleed it and it not work. I'm on par with BP for spilled oil.

Crank Bolts - how many of these can you loose? Oh and I'm using an MRP so it has funky washer that is impossible to find.

MRP- I hope it's in the right place. They use a 3 MM Aluminum bolt. The head is good for one use.

Front Brake - This is the loudest thing I have ever heard. I've done everything in the book to shut it's mouth.

Lets talk wheels now - they have a whole special section. Lets just say all this could be avoided if someone I know would order my Stan's wheels.

The wheels are not tubeless so you have to tape the eff out of them. They are a deep-V so the tape does not fit easily in the groove, further more the spoke holes are asymetric so they look like a drunk 4 year old drilled them wherever. Then my stans valves are too small for the giant valve hole. So I have to track down jumbo valves after pushing the small valve through the hole like 10 times. Inflate, re-inflate more tape, more cussing, more stans. (By this time my living room floor has a glossy sheen of stans on it) Yes, I do all my bike maintenance in my living room. Why? #1 I don't care #2 no wife of gf to tell me not to. The upside is my living room can probably run tubeless, I just don't know where to pump it up. So I get bot wheels to cooperate, and hold air for 24 hrs. The next day on my shakedown rid I noticed I mounted my front tire backwards, a directional tire backwards just doesn't work so well. Naturally I had to deflate and remount. Oddly this tire was quite nice to work with. It new that in less than 24hrs it would try to kill me. Luring me in to set the hook. Race day 10 minutes before the start, flat tire. Tube, lots of C02, time trial back to the car for pump more co2 and a tube. (because for the record tubes suck, I can't run them off-road) 10 minutes in to the race flat. But wait, I have a 26" tube on a 29 rim. This is brain damage, pure hell to do at the side of the trail in a race. Fairly pissed at this point. I really think I could have hung on the group for a low teens finish, or cracked the top 10. Instead I swept up the dregs of the pro-field. I can't tell you how excited I was to do 5 miles of flat fire road by myself in to the wind. It was so nice to hear stories of how everybody worked together in wicked pace-line in that section, must have been nice.

Back at home. Tire exchange. Specialized does have a great tire warranty, so at least my ripped $65 tire is not a total loss, but the shop is on the other side of town and naturally they work on the highway on the weekends. So I got to experience some high quality gridlock, on a sunny 95 degree day. ( my a/c works like crap, a whole other saga)

New tires, and another role of Stan's tape. Guess what that tape don't stick unless the rim is fully dry and free from old Stan's. So thats an hour of scrubbing and waiting. Now this tape is too wide. The tire pushes the tape down the sidewall of the rim, exposing the spoke holes. It's almost comical at this point.

Day 3 screw it lets ride tubes. Let me remind you I can't ride tubes. two flats on this ride. Oh and the tube effed up one of the tape jobs. eff me in the Goat A$$.

Yesterday. I got one tire mounted tubless and happy. I started on the second rim. I got about 1/4 the way around the rim, and out of tape. I have no more emotions left.

Intern

2010-06-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

How do I get an intern I'm supposed to keep busy? R they trying to make me shoot myself?

OK

2010-06-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

I got bored enough to update my blog again, or maybe it's because I'm in a good mood? I had breakfast with my favorite dog. Maybe it was the early morning ball throwing?

CJ Sports Timing Hates Me

2010-06-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

So I completed the first my "real" mtb race of the season and I was robbed of my result. How much more can I do when I talk to the official and confirm my finish. Just for the record I did not DNF Teva. They killed me at the National Championships, for $95 I just wanted a correct result. Way back in the day, they almost stole a race win from me. I must have pissed them off somewhere.

Burrito Packin Protocol

2010-05-17T20:15:00.000-07:00

Stay tuned I'm working on a tortilla that will greatly simplify the packing of said burrito. Graphics and Diagrams to follow. But it basically is a tortilla with lines and color coding that enable you to properly fill a burrito, but yet still be able to properly roll it up. Oil spill in the Gulf? This is a real problem that needs to be solved.

The "Bless You"

2010-05-14T07:17:00.001-07:00

I never have understood the "Bless You" Phenomenon. When you sneeze people will literally trip over themselves to say "Bless You". No matter how many times you sneeze they won't stop. I bet you could play a recording of a sneeze 6o times, and the people will say bless you, 60 times. It is a conditioned response, almost a little disturbing. How does the sneeze get this magical blessing? Isn't it just a normal body action? How come when you burp it is seen so negative, or God forbid rip a fart. Are those not similar body actions? In my opinion significantly less harmful. I don't believe a cold, or flu have ever been spread by farting. But the sanctified sneeze sending mucus and other viral muck at 120 mph is considered above the law and Saint like. Furthermore, everybody knows you sneezed and it has already interrupted what you were doing, why drag it out with a chorus of Bless You's. For the record I have never said Bless You, and don't expect me to start any time soon. Unless you are a really hot chick, and you want me to be sensitive.

Irony

2010-04-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

Does anyone see anything wrong with this picture? It is a Ugandan 50,000 Shilling Note about $23.80 US. That will get you the best hotel in town with three meals, two 500ml beers at the bar, and and a slightly chilled afternoon Coca-Cola.

However it may not be as bad as this.

That'r right Obama Jeans.

Eye Pad

2010-04-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

Apparently there is more than one witty person out there. Well done sir.

My current plan is to get one of these (the real one) and fasten it to the back of my head. It will display the back of my head to cover up all my web browsing from casual hall passers by. Option two is still the image of the back of my head, but attached to my seat. That way I won't even need to be in my office.

Actually Got Excited

2010-04-26T14:48:00.000-07:00

So after looking through all 242 posted pictures of the Rabbit Valley Rally race, I actually got excited about MTB racing. It looked like fun, but I would have missed my foot powder day on my birthday. (not a bad trade-off) Colorado is pretty sweet. Powder in the morning and a warm sunny bike ride in the afternoon.

Not Forgotten

2010-04-15T14:41:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day, I've neglected the blog. I guess I got out of the habit while in Uganda. I owe all of you heated blog posts about Boda Boda traffic lubricant, home-made Matoke, and how luck we are in the US regardless of the economy and who is president. However, I'm not sure what it is about Africa, but it seems like everyone wants to go back. Maybe it's just Uganda, but most of the people are just concerned about living rather than all the craziness that the world has in it. In all of the 14 days I was there, a 10 minute conversation stands out. A 50 year old man named Alex who runs the Namma orphanage described his water needs. He also talked about how much the climate had changed over his life (shorter rainy season and less predictable). He wanted to know why. Thats when it hit me. My 60 mile a day commute with a V8 engine might be killing somebody. Hows that for a reality check? You don't really think much about climate change when you get your water from a tap and your food from a store. But when all the water you get gets collected off of your roof you start to pay a little more attention.

Out Of Africa

2010-03-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

From western Uganda to DIA only takes 44 hrs. I recommend Alcohol and Ambien, its the only way to travel. As soon as I get back on some kind of schedule I'll post more. But here are some compelling photos.

I was so close to this Chimp, I could have helped her eat those fruits.

I got within less than 10 feet of this guy. As you round the corner of a building when you are in the Savannah of Africa, and you hear a munching noise, it's sometimes better not to look. Just keep moving forward and try to let ignorance protect you from a 4000 lb wild hippopotamus.

The other dumb thing I heard

2010-03-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

Since I'm leaving for 2+ weeks, a lot of people can't believe I have the time for vacation. This is how yo do it.

1. Schedule your vacation, say 5 months in advance

2. Every time someone issues a deadline, say I'm sorry I'm on vacation and that will not work.

3. If they don't change it say. I'm sorry you will not receive your deliverables from me during that time. I am on vacation the one I scheduled 5 months ago. I can get you what you need a week earlier, but I will not be available for review. I will be on vacation.

Trust me when you die, your dying wish will not be to spend one more day at the office answering emails.

I've dun dum dumb things, but....

2010-03-11T09:48:00.000-08:00

Accident Summary

A single male snowmobiler descended the slope, triggering the slide which he rode out to the bottom of the debris field, which terminated in heavy green timber. The rider and snowmobile were not buried, but pushed into the trees; no injuries. The depth of the crown was approximately 3 feet and appeared to fracture on an old bed surface; the slide was approximately 50 yards wide and ran out about 80 to 100 yards; only about a quarter of the exposed slope slid, with considerable hang-fire remaining.

Comments

I came upon the scene a few minutes after the incident; the single rider involved in the slide was with a group of companions who stayed at the top of the slope and observed the event. After extricating his snowmobile, the rider continued to attempt to climb the slope that had just slid, which had considerable 'hang-fire' above the crown. The rider finally climbed the slope above the crown and stuck his sled on the hang-fire, eventually getting off the snowmobile and manually turning it down the slope and then riding it to the bottom again before leaving the area. His companions stated that no one in the party had beacons or probe poles; they did have shovels.

Important Announcement

2010-03-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

Ice melts when it gets warm

Thank you Littleton newspaper for your profound insight.

Bedtime

2010-03-08T10:18:00.000-08:00

So it's 9:15 PM in Kampala Uganda, 11:15 Am local time. Since I usually crawl in to bed at 9, yes lame but I do enjoy sleep, I will be dimming my lights for some office shut-eye.

Quality Posting

2010-03-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

This gets the MFK stamp of approval for quality Craigslist post.

Lion Balls

2010-03-05T08:31:00.000-08:00

I decided to do some pre Africa training last weekend. I did a couple of sprints through the lion paddock at the zoo just to hone my evasion skills.

I got one really pissed when I tickled it's nuts with a stick. On a side note I was really unimpressed by the size of Lion balls. I mean this is the king of the jungle, shouldn't they be larger?

Cheetahs aren't really fast, maybe I'm just that fast?

I had an in depth conversation with this guy about his role in the Planet of the Apes.

I want my bicylce to be painted like this

Bras

2010-03-04T14:25:00.000-08:00

Yes, I would like to experience all seven please.

Operation Comcast Purge

2010-03-02T14:19:00.000-08:00

I've been in this hate state with Comcast for years, what am I paying for? You can get a dozen channels in HD for free, and they actually look better over the air. I'ver had a DVR from them for 5 years and they still charger me rent, plus tax on the puppy. It's really $200 in hardware thats 5 years old. On demand? All the online movie sources are cheaper and the free movies are 80% straight to Video, the other 20% are 10 years or more old. I get 10 home shopping channels and boat load of spanish, fitness, and pretty much crap programming. Even though the History Channel and Discovery are in HD, Comcast doesn't broadcast it that way. I have devised a plan.

Qwest DSL to the Apple Airport Extreme, you can plug any hard drive in to this thing and all the data flies wireless. Stream Content via the HD to an unlocked Apple TV (not really necessary if you don't care about an HDMI out and digital sound) and in to the TV. You can get an HD antenna for $15 so thats local channels. Hulu, Netflix, Amazon, Boxee, Frecaster, iTunes, and all the Networks pretty much got you covered over the web. ESPN maybe the only odd one out for the NFL , but I thing they have a webcast package you can pay for. You can also mix the Airtport Express and your Mac in for some tunes and any other content. The experiment starts tommorrow, Comcast I think you days are numbered.

Africa Bike Prep

2010-02-26T12:44:00.000-08:00

Me and a couple of dudes preped and packed all 15 bikes for my Africa trip. Were talkin high quality machines here, so the greatest of care was taken while packing. Let the following pictures serve as a record of dilligency.

You've gotta make sure the pedals are tight. I'd recommend torquing to beyond sanity levels. Notice the 3' cheater bar.

Drywall Screws make for the most secure tire attachment.

We treated this one with "kids Gloves" you can never be too careful in Africa. We got some tubes donated, and I shit you not they are probably Cobra bite proof!

All in days work, I can't wait to cobble all these things back together beneath the equatorial sun, while suffering from a travel hang-over.

iWhack

2010-02-24T13:55:00.000-08:00

Sweet Apple has created a new category for applications for the iphone, ipod touch, and the forthcoming (no pun intended) itablet. It is labeled explicit content. I can know work on my iwhack application. I'm going to be rich!

My Bald Spot

2010-02-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I had a "meeting" that ran late in the day so I decided to use it as an excuse to go skiing. We got up to Berthoud Pass at about 2:30 and tried to get in as many runs as we could. It had been snowing all week and most of the day leaving a goot foot of fresh for the picking. We decided on the Floral Park side of the pass, both for Avalanche conditions and hitchhiking ease. Our first run was ok, a little blown out because it is easy to get to, but we did get a ride in less than 5 minutes. For the second run we were going to make our way to the Bald Spot. It's a pretty sweet, steep powder field with a fish weir of trees and then another steep run-out to the road.

Scottytime goes first exposing all the rocks I wished to avoid. When he signaled at the bottom it was my turn. Sideslip, turn, slideslip turn and then hammerdown as you bust through the trees. Bad Idea. Apparently there are some pissed off boulders at my choice of entry. I nailed one immediately stopping my ski, but my momentum carried me forward in a text book tomahawk rotation. After the first loop I nailed my ass/kidney area on a rock, and then went right in to a double cork. Scotty said I had at least two more rotations in me, except I hit a nice soft Christmass tree that stopped me cold. The pic below points to the rock band. After I pulled my stuff together the exit was some nice fresh deep pow.

I'm here to tell you it freaking hurt, but not nearly as bad as a separated shoulder I got a couple of years ago. I did somehow manage to ski the next day at Vail ( a whole other story) after about 8 Advils. I'm going to spare you the bruising pictures but trust me my as has the following colors, with a little yellow mixed in.

UPS Lag part 2

2010-02-22T14:48:00.000-08:00

5 minutes 38 seconds, between visual confirmation and web confirmation. I guess thats respectable considering the data probably wrapped the globe twice.

UPS Lag

2010-02-22T14:34:00.000-08:00

I'm coordinating with my neighbor to find the exact lag between actual delivery and posted deliver via web tracking. Will report.

Bowing Beaver

2010-02-16T12:55:00.000-08:00

If I were a native american, I would like my name to be "Bowing Beaver"

Just for reference, should the occasion arrive. I will update the matrix.

mfk makes a good pet

2010-02-15T09:37:00.000-08:00

So I got a ride up the hill this weekend to Vail, and I got to sit in the back seat. This is unusual for me as I'm tall and most people surrender the front to me. Since I was in the back I decided to that I would pretend I was a dog. Every time I saw something pass us I stuck my head against the window, and followed it like a missile tracking system, only to lay back down when it was gone. I would also make random bark noises. Sometimes I would get really close to the people in the front seat. What also made it realistic was I couldn't roll down my own window, just like a dog. Whenever the driver rolled it down, I would stick my head out. It's not bad being a dog. I wish I was more flexible to really get the full experience.

Holly Random Comment

2010-02-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

Wow Anonymous don't use drugs and the Bablefish translator at the same time. You're not ski patrol are you.

Anonymous said...

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February 9, 2010 6:26 AM

Mountain Transformation

2010-02-06T16:29:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to accept this is going to be the a horrible snow year. I'm a little picky. I don't see the point in skiing unless it is good snow. Four inches at Winter Park is not what I call appetizing. I mean A-basin is only 75% open and its almost the middle of February. That's bad folks. Some bright eyed Texan was all a twitter about skiing in Colorado yesterday. I almost broke down and cried when they asked me where the skiing was good. I remarked maybe Alaska? After the melt which is occuring right know, the beetle kill will result in a biblical conflagration leaving our mountains like this.

Bowl Skiing for everyone next year, that is if it snows.

I bring you a new Idiom

2010-02-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

We've all "been around the block", and it probably is "not our first rodeo" but have you "traveled with the circus?

It's my creation I want credit Wickapedia.

I want your Box!

2010-02-02T06:29:00.000-08:00

Maybe some more than others. But, seriously I need 15 bike boxes for my Uganda trip. Let me know if you can scrounge up any.

Avy Candy

2010-01-25T08:52:00.000-08:00

Too tired to write, 25 hrs of driving 1200 miles 3 resorts, 3 days. A 3 resort fresh snowfall total of 97". Closed roads, driving through fresh slide debris on the road. Free ski passes. Kicking off avalanches. And the Colts are in the Superbowl.

It's gettin Deep!

2010-01-20T10:08:00.000-08:00

So I'm beginning to think my friend Scott has sold his sole to the devil for some keen snow sense.

I mean it's stacking up in Silverton just in time for our trip. I just hope the pass doesn't close. It's also a lot of snow too quick, but they probably bomb. How many ways can the weather service say say full on snow puke?

I have acquired full on surfboards for the weekend. These are luxury powder splitting machinery. 120mm at the waste ought to be enough?

73%

2010-01-18T14:39:00.001-08:00

I did a quick online test and found out that I'm 73% Ninja. I scored low on the "invisibility" scale (which I don't agree with) and Swords. I think I'm a solid 80 with the invisibility up where it should be.

Sweet Jesus

2010-01-18T07:53:00.001-08:00

It's like the Jet Stream and Pacific Moisture want to push the Southern Rockies back to the primal subduction zone from whence they came!

Sexiest Thing I ever Saw

2010-01-18T06:50:00.000-08:00

The above forecast is for Silverton Mountain. Let me quickly take you through the snow totals.

Worst Case - 36" of snow through Friday. Thats 3', one yard, one hobbit height. or roughly the ground to the top of your bicycle seat.

Best Case - 58" of snow through Friday. Thats 4'10", 1.5 meters, higher than the light switch on your wall, or a foot and a half above your door handle.

Whys is this so sexy. Me and the high speed snow removal crew have a Silverton reservation for Friday. I think it is going to be Epicgasmic. Me and the crew have been glued to NOAA.GOV and SKIFORECAST for 3 months waiting for it to all come together. My friends Uler the snow god is pissed and he's bringing it this week to the San Juans. The guides say expect 4 runs, and 10,000 vertical. The crew I usually ski with can do 20, 000 vert at Vail in a day. Were going for the record. Will report.

They grow up so quick

2010-01-14T10:04:00.000-08:00

I recently got a hold of the puppy picks of my favorite dog. From this:

To this:

I know just try to contain the collective sighs.

Coaching BS

2010-01-12T08:53:00.000-08:00

From time to time I have enlisted the services of a coach and or paid for a general season outline. I have had great success with a coach and a pathetic existence as a bike racer with a coach. All have been professional. meaning they fulfilled their end of the deal. They provided training plans and general season guidance. So in that sense I don't mean to coach bash, because their are some really good coaches out their and I'm sure they know their poop backwards and forwards. However, I think it takes the right mix of coach and athlete, and frankly a fast responding athlete for it all to work. I also think most of the "mail-order" coaches need a somewhat naive or a less than common sense rules athlete to see good results. Just from my experience telling me to get a good night sleep before the race,and eat a good meal just wasn't the keen insight I was looking for. Also I found coaches are really good at telling you your power numbers. You did x watts for x minutes. Thanks my free software already told me that. Or you did x watts more than in a similar interval last month. Again thanks, I knew that without looking at any numbers, but I'm still getting my butt kicked at a race. What is that power number? Thats the one I want. Or if I show you a race file, and I can pinpoint the time where the field rode away from me, why are we not simulating the events leading up to that point in training?

So I say eff-it. I'm going to ride how I feel when I feel like it. (yes I will have a general big picture in mind) I'm not going to give two-poops if I'm out of my zone 3 wattage in the base period, I might as well get used to it. The old Russian addage was to throw eggs (athletes) against the wall, and keep the ones that don't break. We'll my friends that is what a Mtn. Bike race is, and you need to be a tough egg. So I've decided this will be my best season ever. If I fry my egg so what, at least I'll know it didn't work for free.

Craigslist Bowl of Flakes

2010-01-11T07:28:00.000-08:00

So I'm in the process of my yearly bike and gear purge, which means I got a lot on Craigslist. This is a very good tool, but it attracts the cream of the crop of nut jobs. You get people that stand you up, the dumbest questions (who cares how wide the bars are, they're bars)How many miles are on your bike, I dunno does 3000 sound good? Have you ever hit any rocks with these skis? Nope never made it off the roof rack on the way to Grandmas. It gets even better when you want to buy. People don't get back to you for a week. Last night I was on the phone telling this person, I'll give you your list price, I have the cash in my hand and I can put it in your hand tonight. They couldn't grasp the concept. I had to explain to them that they were trying to sell something and I wanted to buy it. Kooks

Skiing with Seth Morrison

2010-01-04T09:46:00.001-08:00

So this weekend we got to ski with Seth Morrison. Who is that you ask? Well

Albeit it was 400 yards on the catpath at Vail, man he made it look easy.

The best $59 I ever spent

2010-01-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

Me and three other went on a snow commando mission on New Years Eve. The plan was to crash another bro's condo in Avon. Upon checking the Snow report at 5 AM we were prepared to travel anywhere in the state that got the most snow. Luckily the big winner was Beaver Creek, 10 minutes from the condo, 13" in 24hrs, 18 in 48hrs. We got pretty darn close to first chair, and literally did things to powder snow that you usually have to pay internet sites to see and read about. After two months of pent up powder aggression, we were like kids with insects ripping each of the snowflakes six little legs off. The Beave was boned out by 12:30 mostly due to us. Thats when the acute powder sniffing capabilities of Scottytime became active. He was running some Voikl Kuros. You must understand these things were specifically designed by the military to deliver operatives to high mountain Afgahn caves. They skis enable Americas best to surf in through twenty feet of powder, huck in a bomb, and v-line down a 50 degree slope before the avalanche can catch you. Let me tell you the 100 billion we spend on the war on terror, finally did some good. After picking our way through some Vietnam like jungle tree sangs we came across an untouched and unopened run. Again ski patrol closure ropes are really just a reference. 3 EFFING FEET PLUS AND EASY 1000 FEET OF VERTICAL OF LUXURY EFFING POWDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We drilled 4 runs x 4 people making the hill look like a powder 8 tournament was held there, only less gay. (in a non gay way) On our last run it was officially opened it. We were having a competition to see who could enter the run the fastest. There was a four pack of gapers blocking the high speed entry, we showed no mercy. Four people at 30 MPH's were treated like high-school football players trying to stop Adrian Peterson. It wasn't pretty but we were 30 yards down hill (mostly in the air) before they could react. Ski patrol couldn't even react do to the velocity. In a nutshell the $59 ski with a friend ticket because our passes were blocked was the best money I ever spent.

Pictured above is Americas best powder destroying weaponry.

My new game

2009-12-30T11:45:00.000-08:00

Since I am beyond bored, I've created a new game.

Here's how it goes. Move your mouse, while simultaneously starting a stopwatch of some kind. Now try to get as close as possible to having your screensaver pop up without going over. When you move your mouse stop your watch. I've gotten within 10 seconds so far. (no peaking at the clock or stopwatch)

Crazy Eyes

2009-12-30T06:56:00.000-08:00

Who knew my favorite dog had crazy eyes. I almost didn't get my finger back.

Someone Asked me

2009-12-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

What I was doing today. I made up an elaborate story of how It was non-stop action in my office. I had a system of women coming in the side door, going in my office where I would service their needs, they would then exit out through accounting. (for obvious reasons). I said I was holding steady at three an hour. I was just stretching before my next visit. I also walked them over to show the wear on the carpet next to my door. I don't think they will ever ask me whats' up again.

Make mine Phat Please

2009-12-29T11:28:00.000-08:00

Look what we called fat back in 2005. The ski on the left was considered a mid-fat ski. The ski ont he right is a 2010 version of mid-fat with a respectable 114mm waistline.

It becomes readily apparent how grotesque the scale is when they are base to base.

Believe it or not there is a ski behind there.

For the record I fed the monster drawn on my skis, the other skis. I would highly recommend big skis everything moves out of your way, even people from Texas.

I might b hooked

2009-12-28T11:02:00.000-08:00

Since Mother Natures snow maker is tighter than a constipated sphincter (for the record I have never used sphincter in a written sentence) I decided to give backcountry skiing a try. So loaded up with all the gear we set out hiking Berthoud pass in search of snow. Nothing to crazy in light of the High Avalanche danger, but we still skied some really good overlooked powder a 20 minute hike from the car. We checked out some really inviting lines shown in red, but my scribbled depict what would have probably happened if we tried. Man they looked good though. So now I have to buy all the B.C. gear instead of borrowing. This could become a regular thing.

Dun Upgraded

2009-12-28T10:02:00.001-08:00

For 2010 I'll be rolling this on the road.

This is now for sale, "gently used" and only ridded to Grandma's house a couple of times on Sunday. Let me know if anyone's interested.

MFK 3 Apple 0

2009-12-26T13:27:00.000-08:00

I was just commenting xmas eave that I treat my phone like crap. I drop it, open bear bottles with it, and generally belittle it any chance I get. Even after all this ill treatment it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin. Then suddenly my phone gave me a Christmas gift. I'd like to think it wanted me to have a peaceful Christmas, with no interruptions, but it was really just getting back at me for all the harsh treatment. So it decided to break, but not fully break. It would receive calls and texts, but I just couldn't answer them. It just sat on my coffee table mocking me. I tell you what I never get calls, but the minute you can't answer your phone it blows the eff. up. I can only imagine all those chicks that were lonely on Christmas that I missed out on. In an even more evil twist, my phone was going to force me to got to the Apple store on the day after Christmas, mall hell. Then strange things started to happen. I steal my internet. This makes it somewhat unreliable. I haven't had service in a month, but suddenly when I really need a Genius bar appointment it started working. Apparently the Apple store opens an hour early for tech support, pretty sweet. Apple confirmed that my phone was indeed a terrorist operative and needed to be put down. I don't know if it was the Christmas spirit or the fact that I prominately displayed my mac and ipod on the bar, but I got a new phone for free. This is quite an accomplishment considering my phone was 2 years and 54 days old. Talk about a happy customer. Apple aint bad at all. They are MFK tested and MFK approved. To date I've gotten two ipods, and a phone replaced. I think this mac is getting tired, I better trade up soon.

2009-12-22T07:40:00.001-08:00

Yoda, you little green bastard, I should have never trusted you. This snow situation is getting serious. You said it was going to be a good snow year, feel the force. I'll give you some force. I'm getting crotchety. All I here is the cliche sayings from the masses at work "oh I hear the mountains are getting snow" Yeah the ones 8 hrs from Denver, or the ones that don't have lifts. Vail is getting shafted, summit county might as well be a desert. The next person that asks me how the snow up there is I'm going to hit them. For Chirst's sake look over your left shoulder, all those 14,000 foot peaks you can see from downtown are brown, not white. Shouldn't that be your answer? I hear burning green Yoda balls are a snowmaker, come hear you little dwarf.

New Camera

2009-12-18T12:58:00.000-08:00

I got a new DSLR camera for my Africa trip. I was trying out las night. After seeing the Colts pull out another win last night, I decided to see if I could capture Peyton doing an interview. Denver to Jacksonville, FL now thats a zoom. I think I've created a whole new genre of photography, TV photography. As, in taking pictures of your tv, brilliant right?

Candy Update

2009-12-18T12:57:00.000-08:00

Four are gone. I hope I don't cause any gastric distress.

Jaco Petting Zones

2009-12-14T10:03:00.000-08:00

My friend Hill is back from Law School in Cali. I have developed a matrix so she doesn't over pet her dog and cats, and injure herself or the animals in the process. See below. Let me clarify "Ball" is Ball-Throwing, as in catch. Not Balls.

PS. I f you like what you see I can create a custom pet petting plan based on your needs.

Killed It

2009-12-14T06:51:00.000-08:00

You know it's going to be a good ski day when you level a Coyote on your drive up the hill. Apparently Blizzak snow tires provide equal traction on snow as well as medium sized mammals. In fact the ample siping traps small hairs for later species identification. After weeks of frustration and cursing the weather, the skiing was finally good. A group of us decided to burn a coveted Vail day, and we were not disappointed. Our first run did nothing to heighten our spirits, typical lame cruiser. However, a brief discussion with ski patrol, and white-out conditions provided us what we were looking for. Prima traditionally a bump run was seeing no skis, but tons of windblown powder. It became a race to see who could make the fewest turns down the thing. From the lift we then spied the North Rim. This guy has a mandatory air entry, made much more mandatory by early season snow pack. It was technically closed, but ski patrol only has so much rope. We always sent Manny down first. He had the greatest surface area to probe for rocks. He never found any, good thing he landed head first most of the time. The landings were a surprising thigh deep depth. We then blatantly skied through an obvious closure area and proceeded to devastate the Prima Cornice run. Sick, Sick, Sick. We were in knee deep, but the early snow pack accentuated the terrain making ample air opportunities. In the end 16 runs, 22,000 vertical, some 10 footers, not bad for a day you thought was going to suck.

Totally Innoculated

2009-12-11T12:39:00.000-08:00

This morning I received all of my shots for Africa, its quite a laundry list of less than desirable conditions. My favorite part was the "Consultation" what seemed like common sense to me obviously is not to others. For example sex with the indigenous population. I was under the impression that HIV drips off the trees and runs down the streets in Africa. They recommended the use of a condom. Good tip, however American women don't seem to like me, why would African women? This is not going to be an issue (However Canadian women do seem to dig the MFK, weird.)

In the end I was punctured by no less than four needles and loaded up with three pill prescriptions. I think I'm going to test out all my new immunities this weekend. I think I'll drink some pond water, while eating some under cooked chicken off a public restroom floor. I might throw in some inappropriate activities with farm animals just to push the envelope. I also figure hand washing is no longer necessary, that's a plus.

MFK's Fine Candies

2009-12-10T13:46:00.000-08:00

So I'm beginning to believe people will eat any Christmas related snacks and proclaim that they are great. Enter Dietrichs's fine chocolates.

Look how festive they are, I bet that one in the corner is tasty. However you are in the world of MFK's clinical experiments and tests. You have seen them before the Muffin Endurance Test, the half eaten sandwich affair, and the still to come Taco Bar Ultimate fighting championship. This is one is a bit sadistic. These little nuggets (and that is probably what they are) are one year old. You cans see by the date I wrote on the back last year, I've had them in my desk, just waiting.

I'm putting them in the kitchen for consumption. I'll report back on their situation in 24hrs.

Holiday BIM

2009-12-10T13:20:00.000-08:00

I saw this on another blog, since I'm a geek, I liked it. It's kinda right up my alley why count it if the computer can do it better?

4-Ever

2009-12-09T10:44:00.000-08:00

Seems like it's been forever since I last posted. I got back from about 2 Weeks straight of not being at home, or more importantly not being at work = no time to post on the blog. Ironic, yes.

I've started a cycling lifting program, but I've got to get a heavier bike. I'm just not going to see any gains lifting a 16 lb road bike. I get some looks in the gym. Speaking of the gym I'm formulating some good observations. I'll post a matrix of pudgy wannnabe ultimate fighter guys, and they say cyclist look dorky.

Can't Leave My Room

2009-12-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

So I'm at a conference in Vegas, but I can't leave my room. You see there is a TV in the bathroom and all the porn channels are not blocked on it. I'm afraid if I turn it off they will go away. I've been sleeping in the bathtub.

Arthur Bryant's

2009-11-26T06:53:00.000-08:00

Since I am in Kansas City I couldn't help but sample some of the finest Barbecue in the world. An enormous debate rages inside my stomach as to what is better Gates or Arthur Bryant's. I'll say for ambiance and authenticity, Arthur Bryant's is the leader. I mean the pit master is named Bacon.

Lets start with this sign, I counted 71 just one half of the seating area, not including staff.

You get to look at this as you wait in line.

Now this is a PIT, it takes a minimum of 40 years to develop the necessary black crust.

Meat pile, no effing around here. I wouldn't recommend suggesting tofu to these guys. That's not dirt around the pit,that's flavor!

Behind the Scenes, yes that is a trash can full of fries.

Burnt Ends Open Face sandwich, bitches. You know you want it.

Gate's Barbecue is Friday, still my favorite.

Bonding with my Turkey

2009-11-26T06:36:00.000-08:00

I was gazing in to my refrigerator yesterday and I notices my turkey. He looked bored, and obviously has no idea as to what was about to happen to him. So I decided to get him drunk. I staked up beer around him, double wing style, as turkeys can't make fists. As the family watched TV at night I would here a kick, or distant scratch from the door. That was my sign that he needed another.

He was going through then at 2x10 to the 9th power. I said Earl, that's what I named him, they're going to pick you up with a stick and a spoon. That's when I realized I was they, and I was going to use a fork, or maybe just pull a leg off. I gave him another and patted him where I assumed his head would be.

Yard of Jimmy

2009-11-19T11:08:00.000-08:00

So I've eaten 3 consecutive days of Jimmy Johns. So I figure I'm up to three feet plus of Jimmy so far.

How I feel

2009-11-16T16:40:00.000-08:00

Finally someone else gets how I feel about TACO Bar, thanks HIll!

Chip Accessory Option

2009-11-16T12:13:00.000-08:00

Holy Christ! Double Taco Bar Month! This time it came fully loaded with the chip accessory option.

This greatly expands the versatility of the beans and quac, brilliant.

TIP: When at the restaurant, just order all beans instead of rice and beans. Deep down everyone wants more beans but they are afraid to ask. Don't fear the legume.

New Ride

2009-11-16T10:03:00.000-08:00

My new snow tires kicked so much ass this weekend, I decided to upodate my whole ride. Here's me in my new High-Vis orange plow. CDOT lets me use it whenever. Why you ask? Because I'm MFK, and Katie Compton I was MFK long before you were KFC.

I also rocked out the Slack-Line at the ski expo this weekend. Here is a pic of Manny the mohawk just before Scott and I drilled him with Beach-balls to the face. I think he was use to that kinda of thing.

I will give him credit he only sold ski-boots to the hottest chicks. No moms, no dudes. It was impressive to watch him try to control his foot fetish.

Benefit Of the Doubt?

2009-11-12T14:20:00.001-08:00

Back Story:

So I got new tires today, some phat snow eating Blizzaks. I hope Yoda was right about the snow year, I can't wait to put them to the test on Vail Pass. Anyway when my car was finished I swung by the tire shop on my lunch ride to pick up my car. Naturally I was in full spandex kit and helmet, and parked my bike in plain site.

The Setup:

The Hot Blonde tire manager commented on my outfit. She says "That's quite a little outfit that your wearing" Naturally I commented back " Yeah, its my racquet-ball uniform" and " I got wear a helmet when I play because I hit the walls alot." She says without missing a beat " Oh, you play raquetball, that sounds fun."

The Dilemma:

Was she that quick witted to play along, or did she really think it was a racquet ball uniform?

I have my thoughts, partly because I was charged a tire disposal fee for tires I didn't throw away. Either way I did get a free oil change, must have been the spandex.

Discuss

2009-11-12T06:38:00.000-08:00

Discuss amongst yourselves

Good Snow Year

2009-11-09T09:14:00.001-08:00

Everyone can relax. I have consulted the authority on the subject, and it will be a good snow year.

Where's the weight room?

2009-11-09T08:19:00.000-08:00

I can now tell you. I've been "workin out" with a hard core cycling related program. Can't you tell? I hit the keys on my keyboard much harder, they should appear bolder on your screen. I almost put my mouse through my desk when I double clicked. Check out my biceps.

Yes there are web pages where people actually send in photographs of their biceps. Interesting.

I guess this makes it official.

2009-11-08T13:20:00.000-08:00

I have a plane ticket to Uganda.

BRITISH AIRWAYS 12MAR DENVER CO LONDON 520P 905A

BA 218 FRIDAY DENVER INTL HEATHROW 13MAR

N ECONOMY AIRCRAFT: BOEING 777-200/300

RESERVATION CONFIRMED

BRITISH AIRWAYS 13MAR LONDON ENTEBBE 1045A 1010P

BA 63 SATURDAY HEATHROW

N ECONOMY AIRCRAFT: BOEING 767-200/300

RESERVATION CONFIRMED

Done for the day?

2009-11-06T06:08:00.001-08:00

So I rolled in to work at 7 AM, don't ask me why. It's my dish day today, so I unloaded the washer. I think my work is done for the day.

I did get a little fun out of it. I mixed up where all the plates and cups go, and hid the forks. We'll see what happens.

Two-Minute Drill

2009-11-05T14:14:00.000-08:00

Here are the thoughts that entered my head in the last two minutes

Jimmy Johns Cannon

Tatoos for construction related failures or successes

auto cad sucks

Dancing with a dog (not as perverted as it sounds)

How do they decide which side to put the handle on a coffee cup?

Stainless Steel lined explosion proof fume hoods - thats what my toilet at home should be like.

What do they mean by "Touching Moment" at the end of the World Series? did it have anything to do with an A-rod?

If you put a 1 next a 1 is it an 11 or just two 1's next to each other?

Indulgent Trail mix from Wall-Mart is really, really good.

MFK Silhouette

2009-11-05T14:12:00.000-08:00

I'm getting really close here to making a silhouette image of the back of my head. Just sayin...

Boulder CX

2009-11-04T06:47:00.000-08:00

After making the intelligent choice to not race the Boulder Cup this weekend, I came away with a warm feeling that I saved $100, didn't get to start in the last row of 80 people, and saved the disappointment of getting pulled after 5 laps. I wish had a better story, kinda like Todd Wells who apparently has the largest saddle sore in recorded history. He makes it sound like it has it's own zip code on his blog. Thank goodness he has restrained himself from posting pictures. Here are some of mine (Not of saddle sores)

This is a good shot of the mens start, MFK would have started here: See Below

This was the start are reserved for Faux Pro's about a 1/4 mile from the real start.

I did capture some evidence supporting my XTR 2011 prediction - XTR Electric. Adam Craig was running the DI2 Electric Shifting on his Cross bike. The conditions were just as crap as the worst MTB race I've done, and he said it worked great.

I spent the rest of the day trying to get people to stand next to Kelly Emmit so I could take a picture of her, but make it look like I wasn't.

MFK 4 Africa - Moving Forward

2009-11-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

I reserved a plane flight yesterday, so that puts another check mark in the commitment column.

The trip is scheduled for March 12-27. I've been practicing my dance moves. I feel it will be necessary to really bond with the culture. I'm also trying to develop some kind of light-weight snuggie for the trip. Perhaps a mosquito netting snuggie. I might be on to something.

Smart Chicks

2009-11-02T08:25:00.001-08:00

The following is definitive proof that high-school chicks are smart.

Who else could think up a way to share the same pair of pants at the same time? I bet they have some Kriss-Kross on their ipod.

Don't Say I didn't warn you

2009-10-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

I finally left my house today after "working" from home for two days. I did get some turns in on Green Mtn. Yeti Betty on Skis

The Green Mountain Glory Bowl 2' plus of fresh with big drifts.

Jaco very tired after chasing Amy, Scott and MFK around on skis.

This is the one.

2009-10-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

I have determined we are screwed. This is the big one (as far as October snows go)

Two reasons: I almost go snow tires this weekend, but I didn't and I just lost my marble again.

I found my marble

2009-10-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

Some of you have expressed concerns that I have lost my marbles. I am pleased to inform you that I have found at least one of them. A big shooter never the less. It was hanging out in the Target parking lot.

Shodding my millipede

2009-10-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

So I have a pet millipede. He lives behind my refrigerator. Since it is getting cold out I got him socks at Veloswap this weekend. I'm thinking of naming each of his feet.

R U Kidding Me

2009-10-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

After I predicted an Alabama upset. It was a finger tip away 3 times.

Missed Field Goal by a foot.

Blocked Field Goal

Blocked Field Goal with 1 second left.

How can a team be that unlucky?

The Devil Wears Patagonia?

2009-10-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

So I've had a Patagonia Pro-Deal for about 6 years now, and this year is the first year I realized I had a problem. I have a technical outerwear fetish. I've got ski jackets six deep. Beanie hats with the hot new graphics, both colors. Someone asked me if I liked my vest. I said the down, synchilla, or puff? I've got enough web belts to climb the North Face of the Eiger. Lets not talk about underwear. It's bad, I go to the store an talk about layering options. What is really bad is I watched the Devil Wears Prada last night, and I felt I would fit right in except with Ski boots, not heals.

TACOOOOO BARRRRRR!!!!!!

2009-10-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

Thats right Taco Bar today at the meeting.

The Great Upset?

2009-10-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

Now that Alabama is ranked number 1, my prophecy is falling in to place. I have predicted that the University of Tennessee will upset a Ranked SEC team. They almost had number one Florida. Could the stars align and take down Alabama?

MFK for Africa

2009-10-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

So today may be the most exciting day I've had in a while. I committed to going to Africa for two weeks +. Uganda and the surrounding area specifically. The trip is 50% Peace Corps type stuff and 50% survivor man style full on Safari. Don't laugh yet. I need to raise 3 grand, and I'm hitting all you up!

Should be interesting, estimate building and labor materials for an indigenous schoolhouse structure some 8ooo miles away. Is there an app for that?

Taco Bar Supremecy

2009-10-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

We often have lunch meetings with various food bars. I have deemed Taco Bar the ruler in both taste and versatility. Please see the matrix below.

Thru-axle Conversion

2009-10-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

No its not what the kids are calling it these days, but darn it sounds fun.

What I want to do is get a hold of this hub, only available on teh XT wheelset and lace it to my XTR rim. Does anyone no if you can get a "replacement" hub separate? Or am I going to have to violate a wheel set?

Staring

2009-10-12T08:56:00.000-07:00

So I was staring at my wall today, a good hour or so, I finally saw an aardvark.

Office Nesting

2009-10-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

So were doing an office shuffle this (last) week, and I have made some observations. Now, I'm not the master of organization, and have been known to hoard from time to time. As of this minute I have something like thirty tires in various states of used condition in my guest bedroom. Oh if you are a guest at my house, you won't be in the guest bedroom it is a panoptica of cycling refuse. You would be doing well to even enter. One time a couple pairs of skis fell over and did a pretty good job of blocking the door. Back on topic, people have unbelievable piles of office crap they cart around. Me I can be in an out of an office in twenty minutes or less. A wise boss once told me "never keep anything in your office that won't fit in a single bankers box" in the digital age I'm just saying an external drive you keep at home will hold a lot of stuff you may want. Do you ever think, people think they are more vital and important than they actually are?

Henry

2009-10-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

I tell you what, I am sooo worked up today over this decision. I can't tell if Henry is a Large Breed or Medium breed Pet Snuggie. I mean I don't want him to think he's fat.

On a serious note this Bull almost gutted me. He hangs out in the field near where I work. I was rubbing his head the other day and he did the old sneeze and shake to get rid of the flies. Ol' Henry didn't realize he has a 7' horn radius, and Ol' MFK was in his wheel house. I would have had a tough time explaining why I had to leave work early that day. I keep on forgetting to bring him some carrots. Do cows/bulls even like carrots?

How is it possible?

2009-10-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

I passed multiple people yesterday descending the trails on Green Mtn. on my Cross bike. One dude had a 575 thats a bike with nearly 6" of travel 2.5" wide tires and disk brakes.

Seriously get off the brakes and feel it a little.

Anyone up for riding Apex on the Cross bike? I bet hikers never will see that coming.

So How do I

2009-10-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

So how do I have so much time? I'll let you in on a secret, technology. My job is basically counting things, and guess what computers do math pretty good. So for example the typical office dude would bust out the high-liter and go to town on these drawings, keeping track with some crude tic-mark process. Accurate yes, but efficient no.

Not in my world, automation will set you free. Simply Select and item, check what criteria to search for.

And here is what you get.

272 locker counted, high-lited and sent to what ever spreadsheet floats your boat. All with a mouse click. The best part is all those people empathizing with me about how counting all those locker in a High-School must take forever. Yep it's terrible, I wonder whats on Youtube?

Work In Progress

2009-10-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

Click Here

Intern

2009-10-05T08:56:00.001-07:00

So I think I'm getting an Intern. I always get the intern, somehow I look like someone that can keep them busy.

Two Questions:

1. How are we paying him?

2. What Am I going to give him to do?

Yuppie Pumpkins

2009-09-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

As I walked in to the super market (I'm there every darn day, I can't seem to buy enough food to last more than 24 hrs. Everything is one serving, regardless of the packaging. Seriously, what man can eat two graham crackers and call it a day? I ingest them by the sleeve) Anyway I was blindsided by discriminatory pumpkin acts.

These hardworking pumpkins were labeled as $5.99. Obviously cast in to the role of the "middle class" by there monetary stature. The ones to the left were $3.99. I suppose these must be the 'blue collar" working stiffs. To the right, slightly elevated were the $7.99 variety, these I determined were the upwardly mobile yuppie pumpkins. Who makes these decisions? Who's to say one pumpkin is better than the other. Given the opportunity, can't all pumpkins achieve greatness?