Friday, May 29, 2009

Test Net Fishing






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Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitter Lance Armstrong Twitterr

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Bring On Trogdor

The upcoming Burnt MTB Time Trial to be held at Buffalo Creek this Saturday (BMTBTTXC for short) has a fairly wicked climb at the end. It is close 3 miles of uphill at what I would guess is 8-9% grade. It was recently named Trogdor the Buninator. I'm feeling pretty good, my less is more approach to training seems to be working. Sunday I had my highest 1, 5 and 20 minute powers recorded. Too bad the Koppenberg was cancelled, I would have crushed the climb. I don't really pay much attention to heart rate for training, but I do know that once it hits certain point the clock is ticking before meltdown. That usually was around 163 for me, at 159 I cool for an hour, two more beats and I'm toast in 5 minutes. (FYI, Heart Rate, everybody's got one) Lately that has shifted by 10 beats allowing me to surf the 165 for a time and punch the 170's. This could be what it feels like to come in to form?

Trogdor and I have a 400 watt date in a day and a half, and I don't think he's going to like what's for dinner.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

MY idea #2

Thumb dog/cat toys. Your dog wants thumbs, you want your dog to have thumbs. Why not give him a giant thumb dog toy? This way you can say my dog has thumbs. I know, it's brilliant. I can't turn it off.

The neoglowdium fountains

My attitude toward neon, hi-vis clad cyclist has forever been changed. I had no idea the effort it takes to acquire one of these articles of clothing. For years I though thousands of people just waited for the REI year end member sale and applied their 20% off coupon towards an important piece of cycling outerwear. I was recently at the Denver Art Museum, I can hear the ladies cooing in unison “he like’s art too, what a catch!” I was drawn to a particular painting, mostly because it was 30’ wide and 20’ tall, and in NEON. It depicted what I believe to be the Neoglowdium pits in South America. This German artist must have followed a wounded Courage Classic rider to these pits when he attempted to re-coat his vest in day glow green. This scene looks orgy like to me, but not of pleasure, but of an optically transparent ritual of sacrifice and pain.

I see the bowls and vases as camelbacks, but not the new camelbacks with the wide mouths, the old ones that would not accept any ice-cubes. I can only imagine the process. Each Vest, wind breaker, etc. is a fully custom unit. The rec-rider first paints themselves with the glowing juices and then is baked. (Much like the artist in his creative process) I can sense the frenzy at the pools, check out Trogdor with the blue jousting sticks. The schmuck on the left must be a Copper Triangle rider,they don't play well with the Courage and Ride the Rockies crowd. He was Trogdored in to submission.

This one shows a couple of kids getting the neon treatment, next thing you know they will be on recumbant bikes, just like dad. All in All I have new respect for the neoglowdium desciples (not really) So next time you see one ask them how Trogdor was.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Found a use for Grip$hit

I too now think SRAM is awesome. Look what you can do with shifter that never worked right in the first place.

I wonder if it is 8 speed or 9 speed? What if the hill you are descending is an 11?

A little out of control


I got in touch with my Native American Roots this weekend. I performed a rain dance. I wanted to give Mr. Laun a little organic watering. After a cancelled race, hail, and flash flooding, I guess I was a little out of control. I'll use less tortoise shell rattle next time, and fewer wampum.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The MFK Name Reasoning Engine

FYI, The matrix, and the newly issued pocket matrix has led to a flurry of improvement suggestions. I am working on prototypes for a cylindrical naming engine and a more traditional slide bar engine. These will allow to select the day, dress, or name and see your option in the viewing window. This is a terrific challenge! Especially the cylinder one. I could be busy for days!

Check some early spread sheet work to map out the proof of concept.



How did we ever do low-tech? I busted out an excel version with slidebars, radio buttons, and graphics in 5 minutes. This is going to take some work!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

City of Compton

So I got bored, fired up Google Earth, and started playing some Dr. Dre on the iPod. I tried to find all the streets and locations they rapped about. I'm having a little bit of a difficult time believing these guys are as hard as they think. I found a Starbucks in Compton, and several nice looking backyard pools. Hek, they were watering the lawn outside of Eazy-E's childhood home.
I thought all you had time for in Compton was "slingin rock, or workin on your jump-shot" I think I'm going to do a Highlands Ranch, Compton overlay just to see what the pool density comparison.

I've decided

MFK needs to go international, well it technically already has. There are a bunch of stickers in the Chamonix L'aiguille du midi tram already. I've been watching the Giro and I've decided that I need to go and drink all of Italy's wine and eat all of their spaghetti. Late September sounds good. If you have any touring company suggestions I'm all ears. I'm looking for ride, wine, spaghetti, sleep and repeat scenarios.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Hi, may I help you?






My parents are visiting this weekend and they are bringing the worlds best Bar-B-Que. Gate's and Sons from Kansas City. First you must understand there is only one purveyor of Bar-B-Que in my family, Gates. All others are sub par, hack job, attempts at flavor. This even goes so far that my father always said to my sister. "When you get married, Gates will cater it." and he delivered my friends. I think my sisters wedding dress actually has a sauce stain on it. My dad has also been known to travel unimaginable distances for Gates. One time a weekend trip from Indianapolis to Kansas City was performed to satisfy a craving. Other trips of legend are the, "you wanna get lunch? Only four hours later to arrive in KC from Des Moines. I also have the affliction, refusing to speak to my parents after stepping off the plane until Gates is in sight.

Which brings me to the point. Colorado Bar-B-Que sucks. This is from Brothers BBQ, that everyone says is good. I was not impressed.


Wonder bread bun, seriously, King-Soopers potato salad, that's weak. A little cup of no love beans. Some random chopped brisket. It was also like $13.00. The atmosphere of the restaurant was sterile for a BBQ joint. It needs to be gritty, you need to smell smoke, the floors need to be a little grimy from years of spilled sauce and crushed french fries.

Like this

See thee dirty cooler with Beer glasses, the smoke charred tile above the counter, and yes the actual pits in the back. If you dont' have a pit in house, your BBQ is crap! Check out the lady on the left. She was there when I was a kid. Thats history baby.


When you walk in this place you are yelled "Hi, may I help you?" you better know what you want or your gettin what they want to give you.

Check out what a BBQ plate should look like, and it's $8.00.


I can almost taste it, brisket, ribs, ham, and steak fries in the traditional sauce. It's better than mowing my Laun.



Monday, May 18, 2009

P.O'd

Look how pissed this cow looks. I just told him to stay the eff' out of my Laun.

Mr. Laun

Ahh the joys of spring time. I spent most of the weekend doing yard work. First there was edging, then aeration. Followed by sweeping up all those goose looking aeration turds. Then I was on my hands and knees for hours getting those damn dandy lions from taking over the whole lot. Then the inevitable dog turd was found, only after I stepped in it. Fertilizing and watering were then the order of business. I then installed my reverse invisible dog fence (To keep dogs out).

All in All the fruits of my labor is very apparent, I have the greenest, healthiest, and sexiest lawn on the block. Check it out.


After spending all morning with Mr. Laun, I had plenty of time for a bike ride. When I got back it was sooo..... nice to put my bare feet on the cool grass.



Friday, May 15, 2009

Title Sponsor

Yesterday was a little hectic, between preparations for the destructive muffin testing and my business negotiations, there wasn't much time to post. You will all be happy to know that MFK Racing is now the title sponsor for the Astana Pro Cycling Team. Effective immediately. Lance, Johan, and I really think it's the best. Contador is a little pissed, but he always is. The first order of business is to prevent further hair loss from both Levi Leipheimer and Chris Horner.


Seriously the hair loss is so pervasive, Horner has lost his eyebrows. Hang in there guys, help is on the way.

Much More Interesting

I've decided to run over the Muffin with my car. Pictures to follow.

FYI There is a a really big jump in the Enchanted Forrest off of the Apex descent. I accidentally hit and I haven't landed yet. We'll to be more exact my nuts have not descended back to their normal useless location. They are still in my throat, and no Scott I'm not used to having nuts in my throat.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Upcoming Muffin Testing

I've decided to test my muffins resilience to common office supplies. They test will consist of dropping various items from a fixed height on to the said muffin. For those of you following the blog you will remember my muffin has been gaining strength (hardness) over the past couple of weeks.
The current impact items are ipod charger, calculator, and the big-gun, the stapler. I've got a heavy Swingline I found in the office supply room. This puppy is close to 20 years old.

The test is scheduled for Friday, clear your calendars.

Little Bummed


I just found out my favorite dog is actually a terminator sent from the future. We were playing this weekend and he went through a concrete wall to get his ball. He came back a little haggard, but he got the ball.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Maybe I'm Not Human?


I spit on this sign yesterday, and nothing happened. Maybe they wanted something more substantial like hair or blood. Or maybe I wasn't the correct species, that would explain a lot.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Vector Racing


I coined a new phrase this weekend at the Battle of the Bear, Vector Racing.  There was so much lap traffic on the narrow course you were forced to pick a magnitude and direction off course, with the intent of intercepting the course at a future point in time.  I wish I had an aerial video of the Pro men ripping through the Front Range 50 folks on their 4th lap.  It would have looked like a salvo of sidewinder missiles searching for its target, or that scene out of the Matrix when the sentinels swarmed Zion. The red arrows accurately depict my path of travel, figure I cut a half mile out of the race.

On the other front I have delayed my retirement from bike racing.  My performance signaled that I actually am capable of sustain race like speeds, and look good doing it.  I had my best start ever, I was being pulled along in the slipstream of Junior National Champs, and past Olympians.  I was actually close enough to Jeremy Kilbowskie (JHK) to read the tattoo on his neck that read “Don’t pass me MFK”.  I think I recorded my first negative split of my life on the second lap.  I was going fast but with my keen sense of hearing I could still make out the chatter of hot women commenting on my perfect sock height.  One was so enamored she almost forgot to hand me my water bottle (HILL).  Any way 13th less than a minute out of a single digit place.  

Friday, May 8, 2009

How much more can I take?


OK, my boredom has just about culminated to insanity. I just placed a small blue dot on my wall. I then imagined a laser beam was projecting from it. I then tried to trace the beams path around my office as it would hypothetically bounce off the walls. I then tried to retrace it's steps so that it would come back on itself.  It got a little more interesting when I imagined two. The next step is use rubber bands to simulate the path. Lets hope it doesn't come to that.

Muffin Mutilation

Yes, I'm obsessed with muffins lets just get that out of the way.

I have witnessed a disturbing trend throughout my office, it is the rampant mutilation of healthy muffins.  Imagine a muffin sits proud in his box, flanked by others of his kind, ready to fulfill his duty of pleasuring your lips and tongue.  This muffin has spent upwards of 20 minutes in a 350 degree oven for you, it asks nothing in return but to peel back its paper chassis and enjoy.  But you sir/madam have something sinister, something hideous in store for them.  You toy with them, by picking off the chocolate chips that cling to their tops.  You draw and quarter them. You disembowel them just because you don’t like the cream cheese center. You cut them in half, leaving them completely defenseless at cleanup time.  Seriously these things are not starfish or the tails of lizards. They don’t grow back when dissected.  Frankly, I find it disgusting. Would you treat a steak like this? Look at these poor bastards.



This little apple sweetheart was the victim of a violent bi-lateral separation. His oven buddy to the left had is head shaved off. 



This gruesome scene is disturbing.  The mutilator just took a little off each side.  The poor guy can't stand up. It makes me think of sea-otters caught in an oil spill. Or that poor bird with a six-pack ring around it's neck.  Do you see the trend of leaving the instrument of destruction at the scene of the crime. I think the offender is toying with me. Go ahead just try to catch me.



Even though this is not a muffin, that doesn't mean doughnuts don't feel pain. Can you imagine the agony of having your carefully twisted and sugar sealed joints slowly unraveled? For all the humanity, when will it end?



Thursday, May 7, 2009

Wow, that was my first thought.

I often wonder what dogs think about. You look at them and they look at you. I used to think they just wondered if your crotch smelled good or not.  When I saw this picture it all became clear. I wonder if the one in the middle is named Lucky Pierre?



It's just some little race

The Battle of the Bear is shaping up to be quite a thing.  It is just some little  race at a local park in Colorado. You don't even need a fancy license to attend, and it's entry fee is minimal compared to other series.  But I just checked the pre-reg and here is what we got. Two Bejing Olympians, A National Cross Champion, and World Cup cross contender. A U23 national team member, and an assortment of local mutants that if the time is right can show anyone how to ride a bike. Then there is me who is just getting in the way.  Maybe I shouldn't feel so bad about sucking. Do you think if you go to a race in Ohio these folks would show up? I'm beginning to think any Colorado race should get a little more weight in the points scoring.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Me and My Muffin

For those of you who know me you know I'm not talking about women.  You see I have a fascination with muffins and their physical properties.  How can a muffin top taste so good, but look so bad on a woman? Are they a cake, a bread, or a brownie. What is in that orange one that no body ever eats?  As you may know I catalog the contents of all the refirgerators at my office on a daily basis. It is kinda how I spend my afternoon.  I keep track of things like commodities on the stock market. Yogurts up 3, coffee-creamer -1, Lean Cuisine is having a strong week (must have been a 3 for $5 sale somewhere.  Thats when I spied the mother of all muffins. It happened about 3 weeks ago, left over from some meeting I suspect.  He has been in the corner fighting off lunch bags and styrofoam to-go boxes and the lot. I think it was beginning to get to him. I decided to help him out with a little signage. Maybe next week I will erect a fence.


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

For the sake of the economy

I've decided that if I have poop eating experience at Battle at the Bear I'm retiring. (well not really, but maybe) but for the sake of the economy lets hope that this doesn't happen. I'm usually on the $100 a week or more program to keep two mtb's race ready.  Factor in a race entry fee every weekend and my food volume it's a wonder I have a 401K.  I found this on Craigslist, and I think it will help me out this weekend. 



I figure I can mask the sound of the engine with the old playing cards in the spokes trick.  I have an old milk crate that will camouflage the engine.  Since this dudes picture is 5 years old I figure I can get a good price.  I hope I podium. I changed my sponsors to Slap Chop and Sham Wow.  People need to know about these products. Wouldn't be awesome.... in first place riding for Slap Chop......


And so do I

So I spend all morning on the internet then I go to the bookstore and then read about the internet.  Truly fascinating stuff I tell you.  However, yesterday I realized I am not alone. Maybe hundreds of people lead my double life of looking like your working only to live in an on-line world. Here is the evidence, only someone with a sense of humor close to my own would have thought it funny to place this book in the computer section.

What's so classic about it is it is nestled between programming books for "Dreamweaver"  I upset the library like atmosphere of Borders with laughter when I came across this. I immediately tossed my XML programming book to the floor and began learning the female code.  I made it through the whole book at lunch. It was a little interesting, the only available chair was next to the children's section, talk about feeling awkward.  When finished I decided to keep the joke going by placing it in the cook book section. 

Monday, May 4, 2009

More Beefcake

I've been reading some other blogs to get an idea of how to ramp up my hits. Seems like sex sells, hek I'm guily of reading Looneys blog just to see if she posts more bikini pics.  So here I
 am after a workout
.

Ninja Star Update

I just emailed Orange County Choppers to see if Mikey could cut out my throwing star on the water jet machine, I'll keep you guys informed.

Cat - Couch?


I'm thinking of removing the racing title from my blog. I don't really race. I line up, the field disappears and then I cruise around the course alone.  I had plenty of alone time to ponder if the mesa at chalk creek is actually a glacial esker?

 

With my current showing I was not competitive at Cat-1 so should I slide all the way to Cat-2,or perhaps Cat Couch? The bright side is my PRO card is helping me meet and talk to women. For example in the last race the PRO women caught up to me. This was my chance to talk to a girl for the first time in years.  I felt like my game was pretty strong when she asked if she could pass, I said yes.  I figure I'll be in her pants in no time with kung-fu like that. I even felt like she hesitated a bit just to check out my sock height and tan line.  I have dreamy calves.
I think I'm starting to get pissed off now about my poor race performance.  I very rarely get pissed, but I think it's coming. Maybe I need a little angst in my life to stoke the fire a bit?  

Friday, May 1, 2009

Have you seen my giant Ninja throwing star?


I mocked this up in cardboard.  I think I CAD it up and send it to the jet-flo machine. Too bad I don't have a water jet cutter. I bet I could email Mikey at Orange County Choppers he would hook me up. Look for it my jersey pocket this weekend. If you pass me you just might get a really close look at it.

The Second longest distance between two points.

The first being the distance a freighter must travel from Taiwan to the Yeti Factor when you're waiting for your frame.  The second is the back fence line at the Chalk Creek Stampede Race.  This may be also a microcosm of what hell is like and a metaphor for insanity.  




This distance is deceptive in it's simplicity, straight, double-track, and dead flat.  But that's how its elegance hides it's lethality.  Flat, it's not flat. The 14,000' and change Mt. Princeton provided a perfect optical illusion, it is a sinister 2-3% grade. The soil is a mixture of wet sponges and aquarium gravel, but that's not the killer.  There will be a minimum of a 20 mph wind, and that is  a good day. I believe it is a mass of cold air falling off the edge of the 14ners right in to your face.  On a bad day this section will make you rethink you entire purpose for racing.  Tomorrow it will probably be raining. I have a theory the wind will be upslope, thus marking the second time in some 12 rides I've had here that it is a tail wind. Lets hope i'm right.